Family: Noun - What Lloyd Learns He Has
by ChthonicUnraveling
Summary: Lloyd knows what it's like to be hated - but that doesn't mean he has to like it. My take on the Lego Ninjago Movie from when his friends say they hate him to when Wu falls off the bridge. Definitely headcanon. (Now expanding past the borders of the movie.)
1. Chapter 1

_The scene that really struck me was the one where Master Wu fell off The Bridge of Falling Mentors (definitely called that, didn't he). Just scenes before we witnessed Jay telling Lloyd that the Ninja now hated him - and the others all agreed. In the following scenes we watched Lloyd struggle on his own as he tried to lead them on while they do nothing to help. Even as they watch Garmadon and Wu fight, they remained distant from the Green Ninja, but then it happened: Wu fell off, and they all rushed to the cliff - but Kai and Cole were visibly holding Lloyd back, restraining him and_ _ **only**_ _him. These, they that had just proclaimed their hatred for him, now keep him from diving off the cliff to save (or join) his beloved uncle? What could this even mean? What does this say about Lloyd's true relationship with the others? This is my take on perhaps the deepest scene in the movie. This is definitely a little angsty, but I tried to keep it as realistic as I could and as true to my interpretation of their personalities as possible. Warnings for mentions of depression, self harm, attempted suicide, and gore. Enjoy!_

* * *

Lloyd had never had friends before. Parents had always kept their children away from him, and though his mother continued to keep trying to get him to socialize, he knew it was a lost cause. In fact, he had been homeschooled up until seventh grade; it was around then that his mother had quit her longest-lasting job and gotten a new one.

He wasn't stupid. Lloyd knew that if _he_ had a hard time being the _son_ of Lord Garmadon, his mother had it worse; she _had_ married the guy, after all.

Koko was always saying it wasn't so bad, that the women mostly pitied her - maybe thinking he had somehow cast a spell on her or forced her to bear his child - while the men couldn't figure out why the infamous war lord had let such a catch _go_. Lloyd knew better.

She'd never managed to hold down a decent job for long (except for the afore-mentioned job where she had been a janitor at one of the local elementaries), and their budget had always been tight. Christmas was a foreign concept, and "new" didn't mean as much as "second hand". That was why he decided to join public school - it was less expensive.

It was a living hell.

Lloyd Garmadon had never hated his life more than those first two years. Granted, the summer after middle school had been when his estranged uncle, Wu, showed up and recruited him to the Secret Ninja Force; this is how Lloyd met the five other members of his team, all students of Wu's for at least a year more than him. They enrolled at his school, had classes with him, trained with hm, but they were cold and distant, uncaring of the newly-made Green Ninja. Then, the summer after their freshman year, they found him in a pool of his own blood.

His mom had been in a car accident. Unavoidable - totally random chance - but she was in the hospital with a severe concussion, internal bleeding, broken ribs and a femur, and a ruptured appendix. Money had already - always - been tight, the risk of losing their small, musty apartment now an imminent threat, and Lloyd didn't have a job to speak of; no one would hire him. He was drowning in his own depression, in the blame of his father's recent attacks, and the knowledge that if he couldn't pay the hospital bills _up front_ like they _demanded_ the family of Garmadon do, his mother would be left to die. He would end up a homeless orphan ninja with no friends and no future - not that he'd had those anyway.

That night he called his uncle from his mother's hospital room sobbing and begging for forgiveness and went home to die. A quick slash of his wrists, tears mixed with blood, and Lloyd Garmadon prayed to any deity who would deign to listen to _him_ that he would not be reincarnated; he just wanted it all to be _over_.

When he woke up (and _oh_ , how he hated that), it was to the teary (Jay and Nya) and anxious (Cole and Zane) faces of four of his comrades-in-arms-only. The former two had broken into sobs, asking why he hadn't _said_ anything, and Zane had only seemed perplexed, asking only _why_.

It made him so _angry_ , a rage that burned hot in his gut and throat - a corrosive acid that ate him away as he bit his tongue. In a moment of rare solemnity Cole had ushered the other three out before coming back with their absent teammate.

Kai had stared at him for a solid minute before exploding into an angry rant about how _selfish_ Lloyd was being, and couldn't he have _come_ to them or at least acted like a _ninja_ and -

Lloyd erupted. All the pain, all the anger, every bruise and black eye, each insult and taunt and too-tiny meal, and every taunt to kill himself came rushing out in a burst of rage like they had never seen. He _screamed_ and _wailed_ , demanding why they had waited _this long_ to give a _damn_ about him, why they waited until it affected their _own_ easy, pathetic little lives to care about his own? His nails bit into his palms as he curled over in his bed and screeched at the top of his lungs that he was _done_ , that it _wasn't fair_ , and that his mom was going to leave him _just like Dad_ and he couldn't - he couldn't -

He sobbed. Harsh, broken, rattling sobs, because he had _failed_ , would always get beaten with the short end of the stick, and even though he had tried _so damn hard_ it could never be enough to pay for the crimes he and his mother had never committed.

Strong arms wrapped around his shuddering form, holding him as if to keep him together, from flying apart at the seams. He felt tears soak his head where soft, brown hair met corn-silk gold.

" _I'm sorry,_ " Kai whispered, and together they cried for the lives ruined by one black-hearted criminal, lives that could never be saved or mended.

Cole sat beside them once they pulled apart, a hand on each of their shoulders and a sad smile stretching his lips and hollowing his eyes. "We thought you hated us," he admitted, shrugged it off like a bad joke. Then, "Kai is the one who found you."

Lloyd cringed, starting to draw away, but Cole held him firm, and Kai took his hand, tangling their fingers in a silent promise of forgiveness and apology.

"Sensei Wu was worried," Cole continued as if nothing had happened, "so he sent Jay, Nya, and Zane to the hospital to see what had happened and Kai and I here just in case you'd already left. It took some quick work, but…" Cole hesitated, "you aren't the first whose wrists I've patched." Kai and he shared a look that spoke volumes to the Green Ninja. Oh. _Oh_.

Kai lifted his free hand and slid it past damp cheeks and through limp hair to grasp Lloyd's neck and lean their foreheads together. "You're our little brother," he said in a hoarse whisper, "and maybe a pain in the ass," Lloyd couldn't help a stuffy snort, "but you're _ours_."

Deep brown met emerald green and held him there; even when Kai pulled back and dropped his hand, their gazed held.

"You're _our_ little brother, and you are _not_ alone." A promise, a guarantee - a brother's oath.

But weren't promises made to be broken? That's why Lloyd was here, wasn't it? Following his sensei on a most-likely-lethal mission to find the only thing capable of cleaning up the mess _he'd_ made?

He ached where his heart had been before his friends had all claimed they _hated_ him. Lloyd was alone again, and he wasn't sure what to do.

After that night, Wu and the others had pitched in to his mother's hospital bill, and they had actually paid _attention_ to him, inviting him to join in with their laughter and friendship - their _family_. Once school started again they didn't _stop_ either, becoming a shield from the world that tortured him with every breath. It had taken a while, but he'd been doing better; he had friends, good grades, a house to live in, food to eat, and an uncle who seemed less distant and crazy (okay, maybe not quite). His mother didn't know, and as long as the Green Ninja showed up to fight Garmadon, neither did the rest of Ninjago.

However.

Now he was watching his father and uncle fight, a psychosomatic weight where his heart used to be, the heart his "friends" had just ripped out and stomped on without care. _They hate me._ All he had left was Wu and his mom, and Wu -

Was falling to the river below, captive to its currents. The familiar cracks of Lloyd's fractured soul grated and tore at his chest as he surged forward, _desperate_.

 _Not Wu, not Wu, not Wu, pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease -_

To his surprise, strong hands gripped his arm and the back of his gi, holding him back from the edge he almost dove off of (to save Wu or join him, it didn't matter). Those same hands that had held him before now gripped him like a lifeline - like they were _his_ lifeline - and he was sure they could feel his soul finally shatter because their grasp went from holding back to holding _on_ , and all he could feel was _lost_.

Dimly he felt the hands tighten marginally, pulling him him ever-so-slightly farther from the edge. His self-proclaimed haters, and they still kept him back from what he was positive the rest of Ninjago would not. Even in their own grief and anger, it was _his_ life they were saving.

" _You're our little brother, and maybe a pain in the ass, but you're_ _ **ours**_ _."_

He remembered all the times he'd fought his father, loving him for some reason and still _hating_ him for the pain he'd caused, and just like that it clicked: they were _family_.

" _You're_ _ **our**_ _little brother, and you are_ _ **not**_ _alone."_

As Lloyd watched his apparently-not-dead uncle get swept away, he felt rage bubble up from the ashes, the fire igniting in its wake. Garmadon, the _bastard_ , had hurt Lloyd's family _again_ \- and he was _done_.

" _You ruined my life!"_

" _What? How could I ruin it? I wasn't even_ _ **in**_ _it!"_

Lloyd shook off Cole's and Kai's hands and stood, turning to glare at Lord Garmadon; he was _done_ suffering at the hands of this cretin.

Garmadon was going to _pay_.


	2. Chapter 2

_I was so excited by your guys' response to this fic that I decided to power through the second chapter; this entire fic will most likely only end up being three chapters. This chapter is from Kai's point of view (and I couldn't find any mention of his last name, so I totally made one up lol), covering the same events in the previous chapter with… not more_ _ **depth**_ _, but just from a different perspective. Either way, as GameCubeGirl pointed out, we only see things from Lloyd's point of view in chapter one, and I think I did a pretty good job of portraying that his alone isn't enough to get the whole story. After all, we as humans aren't always able to tell the reason(s) behind a person's actions, especially if those actions hurt us. I'll also go back a little further and kinda describe more of how Lloyd met the others and how the others reacted to him - basically how they actually became a family aside from a brief, bloody mention. Whew. I talk a lot XD Anyway, enjoy, and comment! Your reviews make writing a whole lot easier :) Warnings for prolific use of sarcasm; previous warnings apply._

* * *

When Kai Miyazaki first met Wu Garmadon, he was sure the man was crazy. Dressed in traditional clothes not seen outside of museums or movies - and armed with that wickedly weird flute-staff-thing - Wu seemed a certifiable wackadoo. For two _weeks_ he kept popping up everywhere the seventh grader looked; the bus stop, the park, the arcade, the school _library_ (that one had actually freaked him out a bit, but no one else had seen the 'creepy old dude') - everywhere. It got so bad that Kai refused to go home at night, instead sleeping in an alley to keep the stranger from potentially stalking the younger Miyazaki. Of course, that's when the guy cornered him.

Everyone knew the who the Garmadons were. There was Lord Garmadon, constant bane of Ninjago and its counties, Koko his ex-wife, and their son, Lloyd. Lloyd, who was all the city could talk about after his father attacked. Lloyd, who had a column in every major - and minor - newspaper, dedicated to his - rather mundane - activities. Lloyd, who had a slew of tabloids focused on capturing every moment of his puny, pathetic existence. Honestly, no one would have even _known_ if Koko hadn't insisted on giving the kid his father's last name on the birth certificate.

So, yeah, Kai knew the Garmadons. Well, except for _this_ guy who claimed to be some long-lost brother or whatever to the infamous war lord. And yet, somehow, Kai found himself recruited at the end of seventh grade to Wu's "Secret Ninja Force" which already contained a kid he recognized from elementary school, Jason Walker, a very… uh, _robotic_ was the only word he could think of - and apparently ironically appropriate - boy named Zane Julien, and an abnormally strong, very quiet, very music-obsessed dork named Coleman Hence (Pph; that _name_ , though).

Kai was, begrudgingly, impressed with the skills of his new teammates. Jason, or Jay, was rather timid and anxious, but he was a whiz when it came to anything mechanical. Zane, who he learned early on was actually an android (nindroid, as Jay coined), was fantastic at anything computers or - surprisingly - culinary. Coleman, or Cole (which sounded _way_ cooler), was freakishly strong - definitely a 'jock', but he also had every song ever even _thought_ of stored away in his brain for easy, perfect recollection.

Wu had even recruited _Nya_ , his kid sister who had been bumped up two grades in elementary and competed with him in almost _everything_ \- and won 99% of the time. Who was Kai in all this? Kai had no skills compared to them, nothing except his determination to never back down, to prove himself, and to protect his sister from the worst parts of the System - and, ultimately, to never appear weak.

Watching his city get destroyed by a giant cat kinda made him wish he _didn't_ have that determination. Everything around him was just… falling to pieces. He could do nothing except fight Garmadon's soldiers, try to protect the civilians (he was civilian, but no one cared about that), and listen as his teammates' shouts were cut off one by one.

When the dust finally settled and they were all standing together on the docks ( _No major injuries - all alive - oh, gods, still_ _ **here**_ ), he felt such overwhelming _relief_ that it nearly brought him to his knees. Then he saw the grief-stricken look on the Green Ninja's face, and the anger _roared_. "Dude, our mechs are _totaled_." There: that summed it up with as few words as possible.

"And now, that cat's destroying Ninjago," Nya added pointedly.

 _Exactly_. Lloyd had used that stupid, _stupid_ weapon and -

"We were the only people that _didn't_ hate you, and now we hate you!"

Wait, _what_? Well, they were _mad_ , certainly -

"Deleting all data related to treating Lloyd as a friend."

 _Woah_ , okay, that isn't what he'd _meant_ -

{DATA DELETED}

… Well, freak. No, alright?! _Yes_ , Kai was mad at Lloyd for being so stupid and selfish and - and - and _stupid_ , but that didn't mean they _hated_ him. They were family! _Siblings_! Siblings did stupid things that made the others angry, but they never _hated_ each other. However… Kai couldn't deny that he felt a certain, vague satisfaction at the hurt look on his Green brother's face. Lloyd had gotten their homes _destroyed_ , dangit, and Kai had a _right_ to be ticked off! Lloyd would know not to take them too seriously; they were _family_ after all.

Right?

Kai remembered back when he had first met Lloyd Garmadon. The boy had been quiet and sullen - _emo_ as Nya had once said. He hadn't spoken to them more than strictly necessary, withdrawing from all non-training contact like a cat from water. Fine. If the kid was going to sulk, far be it from the Fire Ninja to do anything about it.

He had assumed that the youngest Garmadon was just a grouch like his old man and weird like his uncle. Wu insisted that there was more to be seen than was seen (whatever the heck _that_ meant), and that Lloyd was no more his father than Wu was his brother (which was the _same person_ and therefore didn't _count_ ).

In the end, Kai was forced to admit that the old man _was_ a little nuts, but ultimately not bad; Sensei Wu genuinely wanted to _help_ people, especially those that his nutso brother hurt (or killed as was the case every now and then), and if Wu Garmadon wasn't _bad_ , then that meant Lloyd maybe wasn't _either_ \- right? (And if that was the point Sensei Wu had been trying to make, why hadn't he just _said_ so?!)

Either-ors aside, Kai kinda grew used to the punk. Sure, Lloyd hovered around in the background and watched them enjoy themselves most of the time, but he wasn't _intruding_ , and he wasn't doing anything he shouldn't, but his constant presence helped the Red Ninja feel more comfortable with him just… hanging around. Lloyd was quiet, unobtrusive, helpful without being asked to be, and…

Alone.

Kai realized it almost too late.

The call came late in the evening - eight or nine - while Wu and the Ninja were sitting down to cheap takeout in the Mech Hanger. Wu had answered his cell phone (wait, he had one?), features paling as he listened for only a moment and fingers going slack; the cell clattered to the table, flying apart as its owner sucked in a trembling breath to steady himself.

Everything had fallen silent, the teens' attention fixed on their sensei, bodies tense. What could have made their stoic sensei react in such a way?

"I believe," he'd said slowly, "that my nephew is in trouble. Zane: can you trace the call?"

"Of course, Sensei." All the nindroid had to do was hold the phone in his hand, eyes flashing eerily with lines upon lines of data and code. "Got it; the call was made from Ninjago City Hospital."

Wu nodded slowly. "Zane, Jay, Nya - go there and see if you can discover what is wrong. Cole, Kai - you will head to Lloyd's apartment and try to head him off."

Chairs screeched as five ninja stood resolutely and replied unanimously, "Yes, Sensei."

Kai could remember the growing pool of dread in the pit of his stomach as Cole and he raced in their civies across town for the address Wu had given them (and _why_ hadn't they known it before?). Somehow, in some way, he just _knew_ that something was deeply, deeply wrong; he forced himself to run faster.

It was like a horror movie, entering that dingy little apartment almost swallowed by the nicest rough part of town. The front door was cracked open, everything was silent - and there was no sign of Lloyd. Cole had motioned him to check the doors on the left while the Black Ninja took the doors on the right.

In the end, it was Kai who found Lloyd in a pool of his own blood. The boy - _dammit_ , he was just a boy! - was deathly pale and unconscious on the bathroom floor, and all Kai could do was stare. He wanted to _look away_ , to call for Cole, but bile had risen in his throat and choked him, knees wobbly and eyes stinging suspiciously. Cole must have sensed something, for he came running, sliding to a stop behind him.

"Oh, gods."

Time was frozen, everything horrifically sharp (the scene, the knives in his stomach), and suddenly Cole was shoving him out of the way and frantically trying to staunch the bleeding.

"Kai, snap out of it! Kid's still warm; this only happened a minute before we got here - there's still a chance if we hurry!"

He nodded numbly, handing Cole a towel, a bowl of water, a needle and thread when they were asked for, and he _couldn't look away_ -

Everything for the next few hours were a blur. Calls were made, the bathroom cleaned, the others came, and Cole led Kai by the hand from his still, still, still slump on the toilet lid to the couch where he curled up, and _gods_ he just wanted to sleep…

Except, when he _did_ sleep it was to wake from the falling sensation of death and the warm, metallic scent of fresh blood - and to a warm, strong hand on his shoulder.

"Kai? You okay, buddy?"

He shivered once, looked up at Cole's concerned brown eyes, mouth hanging slightly open as air was sucked greedily into his lungs.

Cole sighed and settled next to him. "You had the nightmare again, didn't you." Not a question.

Kai nodded jerkily; there was no point in lying.

Another sigh. "After earlier, I was afraid you might."

Silence settled over them, and the Red Ninja took the opportunity to take in their surroundings. The apartment was dark, and the other Ninja were scattered on the floor in sleeping bags. He swallowed. "What - What happened? Everything's kinda - kinda a blur."

Cole glanced at him sympathetically (not pity; Cole had promised never to pity him). His next words were blunt and cold. "Turns out Lloyd's mom is in the hospital - a car accident. He called Sensei from her room before running here."

He nodded. "Is he… Is he -"

"He's fine," the darker teen replied softly - reassuringly. "Wu got some kind of special tea in him, and he's got back some of his color. Breathing easier now, too; Sensei is sitting in his room to keep an eye on him."

More silence.

"... Do you wanna talk about it?"

This time his head shake was just this side of desperate. "No! I - I mean - No. I just -" Kai released a shaky breath and scrubbed at his face. "I just need this to be over. I need him - I need him to be okay."

"He will be."

Kai snagged on to that promise like a lifeline. _He will be_.

He _had_ to be.

And Lloyd was - eventually. It took him breaking down and Kai realizing just how _stupid_ the rest of them had been, how _blind_ , but Lloyd eventually came to realize that he had friends and a family that didn't go around destroying the city every Tuesday and Thursday. Everything was working out okay.

Until now. Everything _was_ okay until Lloyd foolishly, selfishly brought and even greater destruction upon them than they had thought possible. And now Kai was watching Lloyd watch the fight on the bridge between the oldest two Garmadons, and once again he had that cold, cold feeling in his gut that said something wasn't quite _right_ -

And Wu was falling off the bridge, and Lloyd was diving after him, and Kai was gripping the boy's shoulder and cursing himself for having thought that the Green Ninja would understand that they had never actually _hated_ him.

In that moment, right as Lloyd almost pitched over the cliff into the water below, Kai had seen that broken, hollow, _aching_ look he had seen in the mirror too-often not-so-long-ago, and he had _understood_ that Lloyd didn't care if his fall was to save Wu or join him, and that if Lloyd fell he was never, ever coming back.

" _You're our little brother, and maybe a pain in the ass, but you're_ _ **ours**_ _."_

He had promised, _promised_ , and he had let his little brother think they hated him.

" _You're_ _ **our**_ _little brother, and you are_ _ **not**_ _alone."_

Kai had lied. He had lied, and now he could feel his brother's soul shatter with grief and guilt, and he held onto him hoping - _praying_ \- that it would be enough to hold him together. Slowly, slowly back from the edge, and all the Red Ninja could do was pray that Lloyd hadn't already made the nosedive before they could save him.

They were family - and that was all that mattered.

Right?

* * *

 _Okay, so this was longer than the last one. Oops. I didn't mean to focus so much here, but the story kinda wrote itself. The final chapter will be from Cole's point of view and will hopefully round everything out. I will also maybe include the last scenes of the movie and add a new one of my own if that's what it takes to complete this baby. Thank you all! Also, if you feel Kai's character isn't true, then **please** let me know so I can fix everything when I go through and do my final edit :)_


	3. Chapter 3

_This is it: the final chapter. I'm not sure how this will turn out (I write the A/N before the actual chapter) so what you see is completely unplanned. Wish me luck :)_

* * *

Coleman Hence was a quiet kid - always had been. His mother had at one point surmised that it was because he liked to hear the music of the world, let it fill him rather than fill the world with his own. As a result, he was uncannily talented in the art of reading others. Or, well, _hearing_ them.

Standing there on that cliff beside the bridge, a fist full of the back of Lloyd's gi, he wished he couldn't hear.

He heard Garmadon's unrepentant, gloating glee, Wu's peace, and, above all, Lloyd's absolute heartbreak. That was the hardest thing Cole had ever listened to - a single, dissonant pitch that was strung high above the rest and quivered with tension. He heard the moment Lloyd moved to jump after his uncle (either to save the old man or join him, he realized it didn't matter to the Green Ninja - not anymore), and the moment his little brother's soul shattered - crystal fragments tinkling sadly in a bitter-sweet cascade.

Cole had heard a similar sound back at the docks, when Jay had claimed to hate the Green Ninja; Lloyd had missed a beat, piano keys clunking in a clumsy fumble that he never recovered from.

Hate had not been a song sung amongst them then, not even close. Anger, yes, with its harsh chords and minor melody mixed with fear - slow, icy tones almost too low to hear beneath the river of disappointment and the rapids of guilt. Jay didn't mean _hate_ ; Cole knew none of them could truly hate their brother.

Lloyd _didn't_ know that though, and as a result those clunking keys had become more and more dissonant as they allowed his doubt to fester.

And Cole had said nothing. He had let everything march on to its own beat, not even _trying_ to change the tempo or just a single, solitary pitch. The worst part was that he didn't even have a _reason_. Cole was upset that Lloyd had acted so irrationally, yes, but the Ninja of Earth had heard the song of the city and knew that it could and would recover; he wasn't even _mad_ , just… silent.

He had been silent twice before, too.

The first time had been in eighth grade. Kai and Nya Miyazaki were Master Wu's newest recruits, and they were assimilating just fine. Both were strong, hard working individuals, and their sibling bond was the strongest Cole had ever seen (or heard). He knew they were foster kids; Wu had made sure to tell Zane, Jay and him so that they could respond appropriately. He didn't know _how_ or _why_ , but he didn't really need to, did he? The Black and Fire Ninjas were friends - one the strong, silent support, and the other the impulsive, protective shield. They got along just fine - but they were just _friends_. Acquaintances.

Strangers.

Three months in, and the Miyazakis changed. They were shifty, cautious, both high-strung and unwilling to be away from each other for too long. Nya was better at hiding it, but Kai seemed exceedingly sullen - nothing wrong, not yet.

Then Kai missed a weekend practice. Then another. And another, and another - Cole could hear the absolute despair in the other boy, but he had, as always, stayed silent. Nya was beside herself and finally told them all - while crying almost uncontrollably - why they had been so distant:

They had been put in separate foster homes.

Apparently, Kai's was not so great, and Nya suspected that he was being abused. Not that he'd _tell_ her, of course, because it was his job to protect her, and he didn't 'want her to worry'. The idiot.

Immediately Zane and Jay offered to go check out the house, but Cole asked to go in alone. Kai was his friend, he said, and one boy was less suspicious than two. They agreed.

Cole found Kai much like Kai had found Lloyd: in a puddle of his own blood, but only some of it was self inflicted.

The Black Ninja found himself frozen, rooted to the spot like some unmoving mountain (he felt like a pebble). He did his best to patch up his friend, calling Nya and telling her that everything was fine even as he fought to staunch the bleeding and keep the unconscious boy alive. "He says not to worry; he just caught a cold 'r somethin'."

When Kai woke up he was despondent, eyes void of feeling or life, skin still pale and bruised. Cole tried to ask questions; Kai never even acknowledged his existence (he felt like a grain of sand), but Cole knew the answers all the same: they had beat him, done things to him and made him _do_ things, and he had given up. They had taken the fight out of his very bones, so he decided that no one would care if that puddle of blood was just a _little_ bit bigger.

Cole felt sick. He felt frightened. Most of all, above all else, he felt guilty. He had heard the signs, yet he had done nothing. _Nothing_. There had been ample opportunity, and he had taken none of it.

What a monster.

What a _friend_.

In the end Kai forgave him (as only a brother could), and they swore never to tell another soul.

Kai got better. Cole never left his side, and Kai learned to read all the nonverbal cues Cole learned to give when he was uncomfortable speaking. Finally, _finally_ they understood what Wu had been saying all along - that they were _family_.

Right?

When Lloyd had shown up, Cole had been wary. Yes, here was the son of Lord Garmadon, the very monster that had, in a way, caused the death of his mother (he didn't like to think about it). Cole _knew_ , though, that Lloyd was not his father - had _heard_ it like the waves of the sea constant and unrelenting: _I am not my father, I am not my father - I'm no monster - I am not my father_.

Just like before, he'd stayed silent. Silent even as Lloyd's tune was crushed beneath his depression. Silent as he sent Kai to search the rooms he _knew_ Lloyd was in, too afraid to face it first himself (he never told Kai that he'd sent the Red Ninja to face a trigger he wasn't ready for). Seeing Lloyd bathed in blood, remembering Kai had once been there, too, it made Cole finally realize that his silence was only making things worse. Kai was frozen, unable to move, and Cole suddenly _knew_ that what he had just done was unforgivable (he would never forgive himself).

He shoved Kai out of the way and barked orders; he would not let his silence take another life (he couldn't bear to think of it). When he was done, he carried Lloyd to his room and cleaned the bathroom, always conscious of his friend's frozen seat above him (he was on his hands and knees scrubbing the tile, grovelling - silently - at the feet of the boy he had betrayed and in the blood of the boy he had failed, knowing he could never be forgiven).

The others came, and he told them the story (not all of it; some of it wasn't meant for them). Nya and Jay ran back to the warehouse to collect supplies, Master Wu ascended to his nephew's room, and Zane laid a heavy hand on Cole's shoulder before following (he couldn't meet the nindroid's eyes, because the nindroid knew his secret).

Kai was still in the bathroom. Cole made himself turn and lead the unresponsive teen back to the couch where Kai promptly fell asleep. Good; he needed it (Cole couldn't face him).

Lloyd turned out okay. He exploded when Kai accused him (Cole knew he spoke in fear), screaming and sobbing and releasing all the things Cole had already known (he felt smaller than a mote of dust). All that pain, all of that screeching-violin-string pain warbled up from numbness to join Kai's guilt and Cole's silence, almost collapsing back in on itself like an old star (not young; Lloyd had never been young) before Kai accepted - and _forgave_ (and asked forgiveness, too).

Forgave just like he did again on the cliff, both of them shifting their grips from holding _back_ to holding _on_ as their little brother shattered into a million gazillion pieces, that crystalline cascade ringing in the Earth Ninja's ears like so many piercing arrows (accusing; condemning) even as Kai's guilt echoed like melancholy bells in the resulting quiet.

Cole could hear his heartbeat, steady and strong in his chest. He could hear the river below, his siblings around him, and he could hear the moment Lloyd's hurt turned to determined anger - a drum roll and suspended cymbal crashing, calling for action like the thunder of the surf at dawn. Garmadon, Cole knew, would pay for having hurt this man (not a boy; he had never been young), and Cole let him stand, knowing he would follow the son of Garmadon into battle (silently; to redeem himself; because it was _right_ ) without question.

In the end, Lloyd won. Not the Secret Ninja Force - no, just Lloyd. Lloyd rose above the hurt and the pain, above the abuse and the abandonment, and reached across the schism of bitter heartbreak and forgotten chords to take his father's hands and pull him back across. Lloyd won because he rose above and forgave a city and his father, and above all forgave himself (and asked forgiveness, too).

Now if only Cole could do the same.

* * *

 _So, you know how I said I write the A/N before I write the chapter? Yeah, so this is me looking back at what I've just written. This... may or may not have one more chapter. Or a sequel. Depends on what you guys think. I'm also kinda thinkin' about taking this surprise AU and writing more for it. Well,_ **_technically_** _it's not AU **yet**. Just headcanon. As always, review! They always make me smile :)_

 _Also, anyone else surprised that I made Cole a synesthete? **I** definitely was XD_


	4. Chapter 4

_Okay, so_ _ **this**_ _is the final chapter. Honest. This will hopefully tie the other three together and bring this story to a close. I'm gonna admit that I wasn't trying to make Kai and Cole such big characters in this; Lloyd was supposed to be my main focus, but I guess that's what I get for saying that we need more than one side of the story to understand - and you can't understand without all the pieces. Anywho, maybe this actually made them all seem a little more human. You know, in hindsight, this wasn't supposed to be so darn_ _ **depressing**_ _. A little angst here and there, explain the inference to Kai's self harm from Chapter One - and then I had to go and make Cole a freaking_ _ **antihero**_ _(that's the best way to describe him right now) because I can't leave well enough alone. … Alright, I'm done ranting. Read, review, and don't forget to read the concluding A/N at the bottom ('cause it'll be written, you know, after the story is actually done, so - yeah). Enjoy :)_

* * *

Lloyd had always loved the ocean. It didn't mock, didn't judge, just rose and fell - breaths of an ancient creature, vast and wise and steady. When things had gotten hard, he had always run to the ocean. He would talk to it and pretend it could listen, imagining that every sigh of the waves were an answer only he could hear.

The Green Ninja listened to it now as he stood on a low-rise roof, leaning against the wall and staring out at the moonlight waves. From up here, all of his problems seemed unimportant (he felt like he could breathe) where the city life couldn't touch him and all he could see was the glittering, navy sea.

Four days ago the Not-So-Secret Ninja Force had been divided throughout the city clearing rubble and organizing relief efforts. Koko and Wu had been going around and doing the same, cataloguing the damage so that everything could be dealt with efficiently. The second day was when things had started to fall apart again rather spectacularly.

Ninjago City was calling for Lord Garmadon to answer for his crimes. They wanted monetary compensation, a confession, jail time - anything they could wheedle out of him. Lloyd, Wu, and Koko had been forced to hand over their humanitarian efforts to the others as they talked to lawyer after lawyer after lawyer, trying to find a way to reach a compromise. He had also been bombarded by the press, everyone wanting to 'hear the story of Lloyd Garmadon', to be the first tabloid to 'expose his mistreatment' - heck, he'd even had lawyers trying to convince him to hire them to help him sue the city for compensation for his supposed life of misery. Four hours ago the Green Ninja had stumbled back to his apartment, seen his mother and father looking over photos of Lloyd, and promptly turned and ran back to his uncle's ship.

Except… he didn't want to be _there_ either.

Approximately 11 minutes later he was perched on the top of a nearby low-rise (his favorite, but he'd never told anyone that). From here he could see most of Ninjago city and all of Brick Bay, the closest bit of ocean to his home.

It was peaceful.

Sirens, city life, shadows and light in equal measure - it was the city he had grown up with.

The city that wanted to _finally_ claim him.

Lloyd tossed his head back in disgust and let the ocean breeze wash over his skin and tousle his hair (familial in a way he wouldn't - couldn't - understand). Salt water teased his nostrils, and the moonlight lit everything from behind closed lids; if only everything could be this -

"Come here often?"

 _Perfect_. The famed Green Ninja jumped about 10 feet in the air. " _First Master_ , Kai!" He panted for breath as if he'd run a marathon. "Don't _do_ that!"

"Or you'll, what, accidently jump off a building?"

His glare at the Ninja of Fire had the teen scowling.

"Geez, I'm _sorry_ ; it was just a joke."

Lloyd turned to look back out over the tranquil sea. "What do you wan't, Kai."

"What a way to say hi to a friend."

"Kai -"

"Alright, alright." Kai leaned against the wall beside him with a huff, and silence fell once more.

Guilt began to gnaw at him, and he sighed and turned. "Kai -"

"No. Just -" The older teen huffed again, one hand running back through his hair. "I know what you're gonna say, an' you don't owe me a damn apology."

Lloyd couldn't help his flinch. Kai watched him carefully.

"We missed you the last couple o' days."

He shrugged, mumbled, "I was busy."

"Yeah; that's what yer mom said." More silence, this time uncomfortable. Kai shifted. "You wanna talk -"

"No." Short, clipped - Lloyd was angry again (he had maybe never stopped). He didn't apologize. "No, I'm tired of talking. That's all I've done the last three days is _talk_." Bitter, too (maybe he had been all along). He exhaled sharply, turning back to the sea. "So, yeah; no more talking."

He thought maybe the older teen would go away, leave him alone like he wanted - but Kai surprised him by saying, "Fine, then just listen." A deep breath in and out again. "Back on the cliff," (Lloyd flinched again), "I realized that I'd made a mistake. I - I broke my promise to you - the one I made when we were freshman."

Lloyd furrowed his brow. Broken? What did Kai mean, _broken_?

"I promised you that you wouldn't be alone, but on the docks when Jay and Zane said those things…"

… Oh. _That_ promise. Lloyd turned to face him in his confusion (he had meant to face the sea). "You never broke your promise."

"... Huh? What're you _talkin_ ' about? I was _there_!"

Golden-blond hair whipped across his face. "No. What you said, it's what made me realize why I couldn't hate my father, and it helped me learn why I couldn't hate you - even after what Jay and Zane said; you're - you're my _family_." His voice cracked, and tears stung his eyes, so he looked away, voice now a whisper. "I could never hate you." _Even if you hate me_ (he only thought it).

Kai still heard it. "Kid," the Red Ninja sighed, and the Green felt a hand on his shoulder (it was warm). "Don't you think it works both ways? That if we're _your_ family, then you're _our_ family, too? That we could never actually _hate_ you?"

He'd never thought it.

"We were mad at you, yeah, but we've never, _ever_ hated you. I convinced myself that you _knew_ that even when _I_ knew that you wouldn't. It's my fault for letting you believe a lie, Lloyd, and I - I'm sorry." His voice dropped. "Please forgive me."

Out of the corner of his eye, Lloyd could see that Kai's head was bowed (in shame or humility, he couldn't tell) and that his hands were uncharacteristically limp by his sides; he was _begging_ , Lloyd realized - begging for forgiveness.

"... They want to make my father stand trial."

Kai jerked, eyes snapping to his face. "What?!"

"The city. The people are calling for Garmadon to pay for all the crimes he's committed: the property he's ruined, the lives he's destroyed - the lives he's _taken_ -" His voice hitched in a way he didn't like (didn't want Kai to hear), so he cut himself off.

"Well… it would be _fair_ , Lloyd -"

"Fair?!" Without warning Lloyd turned on him. " _Fair_?! What the _HELL_ would anyone in this First Master-damned city know about _fair_?!" The rage he had felt just days ago bubbled up in his chest, heating his face, energizing his limbs - burning his heart. "I'll tell _you_ what's _fair_ : every person that's ever made my life a living _hell_ personally experiencing every _damn_ thing they've put me through! _Fair_ is having my father around for twice as long as he was gone! _Fair_ is every person now trying to get on my _good_ side _rotting in hell_ because _they think_ that suddenly coming to _my_ _side_ will make. _Everything._ _BETTER_!"

It wasn't until he let out a broken sob that Lloyd Garmadon realized he was crying (his tears tasted like his ocean). Again and again he gasped for air, crying and crying and _crying_ because apparently now was the time to let out all the 16 years of torment. He leaned his forearms against the wall to hold himself up (his legs had given out), head bowed as he cried to the sea (it wasn't the only one listening - not anymore). Each sob shook his body, and eventually he just… let himself fall.

Bony knees hit the concrete, thin fingers gripped the edge above him for dear life (what life?). Everything had _almost_ been fine, and then he'd had to go and mess it all up (again). What was _wrong_ with him that he couldn't even protect Ninjago from _himself_ or keep his father by his side for more than a mere handful of days (he'd just gotten him back)?

"Easy there kid," a voice soothed from somewhere above and beside him; a hand rubbed his back, and another gently turned him and guided his head to rest on a warm, solid chest. "Let it out."

"M-My father has _killed_ ," he sobbed, fists clenching in the red jacket, "and I _st-till_ don't w-want him to leave me again. W-What kind of person does that make m-me? First I dest-troy the city - which G-Garmadon has _never_ done so b-badly - and then I want to be rew-warded?!" He curled into the warmth of his friend (maybe). "Kai, I'm a _monster_!"

"No." Kai shoved them apart suddenly, holding Lloyd at arms length so he couldn't get away; his glare froze the younger teen more than any hold could. "You are _not_ a monster, Lloyd, and don't you EVER let me catch you even _thinking_ that in my vicinity again!"

He nodded wildly, too terrified to do anything but agree.

"No, you're not _listening_!" Kai shook him (gently), voice beginning to sound desperate. "Lloyd, you are the kindest, most selfless guy I know; all of the others would say the same. Why can't you _believe_ that?!"

Lloyd couldn't bring himself to answer. How could he tell his friend (brother?) the truth? That he had never been led, taught, or made to believe anything other than that he simply did not _deserve_ to be anything other than dead-weight - a waste of space - _trash_? Everything he had ever done had only seemed to prove this to him until all he could do was run to his ocean and let the water hide his tears.

Hide them like he wished he could do now.

He was no longer sobbing; that had stopped with a small hiccup in the face of his fear when Kai had begun to lecture him. Now the tears rolled silently down his face (traitors).

Kai's eyes narrowed. "Lloyd? Lloyd, you okay kid?"

He couldn't - He couldn't -

"Lloyd, I need you to focus, okay? Just - Focus on my voice…. That's right, just like that. Listen to me, and only hear my voice, okay? We're the only two people here. Just us. Only us…"

Eventually Lloyd was no longer crying, and he was completely aware of everything around him. The wind, the cool night air, Kai's warmth - he even thought he could feel the moonlight (cool and gentle, like mist or autumn or a watchful protector). "...Kai?" His voice was small and weak. "Kai, I… I don't -" He didn't know what to think; he didn't know where he stood. Lloyd was lost and alone again, and he wasn't sure what to think.

Kai studied him with a sad look in his brown eyes and stood. "Come on," he sighed helping Lloyd to his feet. "Let's get you to bed. You have a long day tomorrow."

Lloyd most missed the sound of the waves in his dreams that night.

* * *

 _Apparently I'm still a big fat liar, because this will not be the chapter. I have decided that there will be chapters for Cole, Zane, Jay, and Nya after this. I like to make things complicated, I guess. I was originally gonna seperate the chapters into individual one shots, but since I'm adding more, I've decided against that. As always, please review :) As other reviewers have discovered, I make it a point to respond to each review I get. Till next time!_


	5. Chapter 5

_Here it is, another chapter. School has started again, so the last couple installments might come a little slower than the first three. Anyway, this here chapter is actually from Zane's point of view - but is still about Lloyd. I don't know how this one will turn out since this story has been kinda writing itself, but I'm sure it'll be fine (I'm laughing anxiously in the background, by the way). If you guys have any ideas or thoughts, don't hesitate to comment or PM me! As always, enjoy :)_

* * *

Zane had always wondered what it was like to be human. It was natural, he supposed, to wonder such a thing; he was, after all, an android.

His friends never seemed to care about that, though. Even if he sometimes had a hard time understanding their references, figures of speech, or mannerisms, even if he laughed at the stupid jokes and was confused by the good ones, _even if_ he found himself pretending that he had a family of his own just so he could fit in (they never questioned him, and he thanked them silently for it every day) - Zane was still their friend.

It didn't mean it wasn't hard, though.

School especially was difficult. Not the course work - Zane could do all of it in his sleep. No, the hardest part for him was the people; the cliques; the social cues and niceties that everyone else (except for a few Neurodivergent kids) seemed to just _get_.

The _humanity_.

The very _humanness_ of it all floored him. How did they all know? What was the inside joke? Why did he always feel like such an _outsider_ (a stupid question)(he knew the answer)? Then he met Master Wu, and things sort of… clicked into place. He met Cole and Jay, Master Wu's first students, and they accepted him without question. Even the fact that he was an android (nindroid; Jay called him that once and then never stopped)(he didn't mind) didn't stop them from pulling him in to their little circle.

Zane learned what it meant to have true friends, what it was to really rely on someone. He learned what it took to make the people he cared about happy, and what it might take to make them worried or stressed or angry or scared - he fancied he, himself, could feel all these things.

With Kai and Nya came an adjustment. The boy was hot-tempered and incredibly impulsive, and the girl was brutally honest and just as impulsive (just a little less reckless). Nya seemed to take to Jay, taking him under her wing like some lost stray; Kai kept himself distant, but he responded best to Cole (Cole was everyone's best friend). They all sort of seperated into groups that balanced nicely enough, but something always seemed to be missing.

Of course, that could have just been Zane; he had been left no group at all (he didn't mind)(he tried not to mind). That didn't last for very long, though.

After Kai's Rescue, Cole broke down late one night, and Zane walked in on him sobbing silently. That was the first time Cole accepted help from him and the first time Zane felt like a friend.

The first time Zane learned about the music was also the first time that Cole made sense to him.

"The stars are most beautiful tonight."

Cole did not react except to hum quietly. Zane moved to stand beside him, hands resting casually in his pants pockets while his friend leaned against the _Bounty_ 's railing to look up at the stars/

"... May I ask what you are doing?" He had never hated how formal he sounded until he had met Kai and Jay and Cole; brash, babble, and silence - strange things to compare his dialogue to (he wanted to sound like them).

"... Listening."

At this he quirked an eyebrow. "Listening? May I ask to what?"

Cole's lips twitched up in a soft smile - amusement, maybe (Zane was bad at reading emotions)(he wanted to understand)? "To the stars." Before the nindroid could reply, he continued, "My mom taught me all about the stars when I was little."

Oh. (Cole never talked about his mom).

"She loved the outdoors and everything you could do in it: hiking, camping, sledding, snowboarding, exploring; she's the one who taught me how to rock climb. And yet…" Cole sighed, head dropping to gaze sightlessly at the horizon (it stretched infinite in the darkness). "She's also loved the stars. Every nebula, galaxy, constellation, planet, moon, asteroid, and comet - My mom taught me everything there was to know about it all." This time he looked back at Zane (and Zane realized just how far, far behind he was), charcoal eyes shadowed and serious. "But she taught me how to listen."

Zane watched as the Black Ninja turned back to the endless sky (the stars reflected endlessly in his eyes - like the ocean).

"I hear the music of everything all around me. Not just the sounds - _music_. Every person, every living creature, every star and ocean and intention -" Cole smiled at him. "Even you. Everything has a song." He craned his neck back and murmured softly, "But I love the stars more."

Things suddenly clicked into place. "That is why you are quiet," the White Ninja intoned (reverently; knowledge was sacred). "You listen to everything around you all the time."

Cole nodded once; his fingers twisted together. "I… I'd rather the others not know. About the music, I mean. There's nothing wrong with what I have."

Zane hesitated. "What…" He swallowed. "What _do_ you have?"

Again Cole smiled, and it was distant and close and knowing and sad and lonely and endless and bitter and just for the universe itself. "I have understanding."

And _that_ \- _That_ Zane could understand (knowledge was sacred and understanding _enlightenment_ ).

When Zane entered Lloyd's apartment and saw Cole standing there with too much understanding in his eyes, he felt understanding in the warmed circuits of his core. Cole, always the listener, had stayed silent. He had _known_ , and he had done nothing.

"There's always something I could have done," Cole had told him once not long after the Night. "There's always something, and I always know _exactly_ what it is, and I say nothing - _do_ nothing - and go on my way as if I didn't know. I'm a liar, Zane; a liar, guilty, and weak." (Weak was not something Zane had ever thought of him).

Zane saw that same look in his eyes and laid a hand on his shoulder and tried to show him with his eyes that he _understood_ , and that that could be enough (it never seemed to be).

Cole had looked scared, and Zane had walked away.

Now the Ninja of Ice watched as Cole stared at the door the Fire Ninja had disappeared through not so long before. It was just the two of them, the others gone doing something or other in the late evening.

"I want to apologize," Cole announced suddenly; Zae recalibrated his hearing circuits.

"Apologize? What for?"

Yes, apologize," he repeated. "I - I just need to. I heard so many things, and I've _done_ so many things," (Zane knew he meant he hadn't done _anything_ ), "and I just wanna ask their forgiveness."

"Then why don't you?"

A heavy sigh. "It's not that easy, Zane. I hurt them. It could have been so much worse, but it wasn't, and I know they might never forgive me for what I did to them, but I -" His voice hitched. Almost too quiet even for Zane's super hearing, "I didn't want to hurt them…"

Zane blinked, eyelids making a soft 'snick'. When his eyes opened he was connected to the entire world through wifi and heat sensors and electronics, tracking down Kai and Lloyd. "They are eight blocks to the west of here."

Cole stared at him in surprise; Zane smiled gently.

"You are not weak, friend Cole, and they are your brothers; they will know you did not mean to hurt them."

Charcoal eyes went bright, and Cole nodded before standing and dashing out the door to chase after the brothers he felt he had so wronged - to find his _family_.

And Zane _understood_

* * *

 _Hey guys, sorry it took so long to get this out there. I'm not so sure how much I like this chapter, even if I love Zane very very much (platonically; he's pretty dang awesome), but this will have to do for now until I go through and do my final edits and repost everything. There was **so much** I wanted to do between Cole and Zane in this chappie - especially about how Zane came to learn how to feel more human with his new-fangled family - but it didn't quite happen the way I wanted. As always, thanks for reading, and don't forget to like and review! B) _


	6. Chapter 6

_I mentioned this before, but Zane didn't quite turn out the way I'd intended him to. And his chapter was more about Cole and him than him and Lloyd, but I think I can tie those threads back together. I'm sure I've also said this somewhere, but the characters are a combo of the movie, the TV series, and my own little headcanons. I know I'm supposed to be staying true to their characters, but I just rewatched the movie and realized that I'd interpreted some traits wrong - or even mixed them up between people. If you want a list of my headcanons, read the A/N at the end. On another note, thank you_ _ **JBomb217**_ _for reading and reviewing this fic! I couldn't reply to you since yours must be a guest account, but that's cool; Zane is part of my top 3 favorites, yet it was hard to do my idea of his character justice, so I'm glad you liked it. I really do appreciate reviews and they mean a lot to me; as some of you may already know, I do my best to reply to each one, too, regardless of how many times the same person has already left a comment, and I try to always ask for opinions on how to keep writing this story and your own interpretations of the characters. So, you know, if you want an honorable mention, just let me know, and as always: read review, and enjoy :)_

* * *

Jay Walker considered himself a good reader of people. A fair amount of that 'reading' could be considered a semi-paranoid threat assessment it was true, but he had hardly ever been wrong.

Wu was dangerous. Jay had _also_ known that Master Wu would not hurt him and was therefore not a threat.

Cole was dangerous, but like Wu he was no threat (he still made Jay a little wary at first).

Zane was harder to read, but Jay, now more relaxed in his training with Cole and Wu, figured that any student Wu recruited would probably not be a threat.

Kai and Nya were dangerous. Nya was… _Wow_. She was beautiful, amazing, the most talented and creative and perfect girl on Earth - Ah. Uhm. Yeah; she was great - _definitely_ not a threat. Kai scared him with his brash, hot temper and wicked bad-boy look, but Jay soon learned not to judge a book by its cover.

Too bad that lesson didn't seem to stick.

Lloyd was _absolutely_ a threat, but most assuredly not dangerous. Of _course_ Jay knew who Lloyd Garmadon was; the entire _city_ did. The younger boy (by a year; it wasn't much) was small and weak - weaker than even Jay had started out as (he'd helped his parents in their mechanic shop though), and his skills were comparable to a limp noodle.

But.

He was the son of Lord Garmadon, fiercest warlord to have ever lived, and everyone knew that Garmadon only focused his attacks on Ninjago City because that's where his son was, and he wanted to turn his son to the dark side (literally and figuratively, obviously). To be near Lloyd was to ask to be a bright, neon target.

Jay didn't like being a target.

The summer after Jay's sophomore year was the first time he ever saw Lloyd Garmadon in person. Wu entered the hangar where they trained (they were playing UNO), cleared his throat, and said, "Say hello to my nephew." Jay had looked over in time to see the old man shift to the side so that the scrawny, dirty boy could blink at them shyly.

They were silent.

"He will be the final addition to your team."

At this Jay couldn't help a startled squawk at the same time Kai had exclaimed, "Are you _serious_?!"

Zane had frowned. "I do not understand; why is this a bad thing? Having more to fight Lord Garmadon is a good thing, is it not?"

"Lord Garmadon is his _father_ ," Jay had hissed fearfully; movement in the corner of his eye snapped his attention back to the green-clad boy's flinch (Flinch? Interesting…).

Zane had blinked. "Oh."

Oh, indeed. Much to Jay's eternal thanks, Lloyd had turned out to be very quiet and did his best to stay out of the way (Jay still stayed as far from him as possible)(he didn't want to be a target). It turned out that, while Lloyd's practical skills were nonexistent, his theoretical knowledge - and application - of Spinjutsu was the best of anyone's except for Master Wu himself. They should have expected that, really, considering the kid was a Garmadon.

Jay couldn't bring himself to be anything but afraid of Lloyd. The others took to him decently enough, but every time Jay was forced into the same room as him or to spar with him, he did his best to keep his distance (he didn't want to be a target), hardly even touching him during their practices; he ignored the hurt that would flash in Lloyd's eyes and pretended it was disdain, instead.

Then, one year later, Cole called Zane's phone and told them to come to Lloyd's apartment (they'd never been there)(they should have been there) where they found Cole covered in blood, Kai catatonic, and Lloyd unconscious in his bed upstairs.

Oh.

 _Oh_.

It hit Jay like a brick. Lloyd had been _hurting_. That's why people did stuff like this, wasn't it? Because they hurt so much they thought there was no other choice? Lloyd had been hurting, and Jay had ignored him. Had tried not to even _touch_ him, as if he might be contagious (with evil? with innocence?)(he didn't want to be a target). And Lloyd was just a _kid_.

When Lloyd woke up, Jay was like a man made new. He had made a mistake, and he had to atone for it (he never apologized; he thought Lloyd just _knew_ ). He was sure Lloyd must have been a little creeped out at first, but they grew to be friends. They learned to not be afraid of each other (because that's what it had been: fear).The Blue and Green Ninjas learned to be part of _family_. Dysfunctional, definitely, and still a little ragged at the edges, but Jay learned to actually pay attention to his brothers (and Nya) and use that attention to help them (he learned he didn't want to lose them). Lloyd was a dear friend.

Jay could have been a better one.

He came back from spending the evening with Nya to find Zane alone on the Bounty.

"Where is everyone?" Nya asked.

"Cole left a half hour ago to join Kai and Lloyd."

"Well, where are _they_?"

The Nindroid (Jay had called him that first; it was awesome) hesitated, a small frown tugging at his lips. "... I do not believe it is my place to say. They are having a - a 'heart-to-heart', as you call it." His frown deepened into something more Zane-y. "Although, I do not see how a 'heart-to-heart' would be possible considering that all living creatures cannot survive if their heart is not _in_ them."

Jay found himself laughing (he didn't really feel it; he was thinking about his brothers) and patting Zane on the arm. "It's just an expression, man; it means they're talking about emotion stuff."

"Emotion stuff?" Zane's eyebrow was cocked, and - was he _mocking_ him?

"Yes," he replied a little miffed, arms crossing over his chest. " _Emotion stuff_."

His friend nodded sagely. "Ah, I see." As was common, Zane turned serious mere moments later. "If there is something you would like to say to them, I might be persuaded to tell you where they are."

If Jay had something tell them? Maybe about his date (a real date!) with Nya? No, Zane had said they were having a heart-to-heart. About what, though? What could have possibly happened - Oh.

 _Oh_.

He felt stupid. Memories of the last week reeled through his mind, most prominently the moment on the broken docks and then as Lloyd tamed Meowthra.

Oh.

Kai and Cole were apologizing.

And Jay needed to apologize to. He looked up at Zane who must have seen the guilt in his eyes because he said, "They are eight blocks to the west of here, up on the roof of a skyrise." Jay nodded his thanks before dashing back through the front door.

20 minutes later he found them (city blocks were big), all huddled together on a roof and… crying? As quickly as he could he analyzed the situation; Cole was kneeling on the ground, broad shoulder shaking, and Kai and Lloyd were wrapped around him (Lloyd a little awkwardly as if he himself had been kneeling not too long ago). They were both murmuring quiet words, but Jay couldn't hear them.

Guilt pressed hot and stuffy against his ribs forcing Jay to look away. Here Kai and Lloyd were comforting their brother _without_ Jay because Jay should have _known_ ; he should have known that something was wrong. With all his 'people skills' Jay couldn't even tell when his brothers were upset or hurting (he remembered Lloyd, and the guilt squeezed his chest tighter). His eyes itched and burned, and his skin felt hot and tight, and shivers trembled through his slight frame. Jay slowly lowered himself into a crouch, arms wrapping around himself, breath coming in quiet and barely-controlled gasps.

Is this what shame was? A molten, scratchy mess that filled you up on the inside and slowly ate at you? That you didn't know how to get rid of? That you _knew_ you deserved?

"Jay?"

He gasped sharply, all his air leaving him in one quick 'whoosh' that left him panicking _and_ drowning in shame.

"Jay!"

Hands settled on his arms and back, gently yet hastily pulling from the corner and into the open air.

"Jay, buddy, you gotta breathe, 'kay? Jay?"

That - That sounded like Kai. Weren't they just across the roof? Why were they helping him? Didnt' they knew he _deserved_ it?! (But he couldn't _breathe_ and he _wanted_ to, dammit!)

"Jay, breathe with me!" Kai sounded frantic, and then Kai was gone and someone bigger was there, settling behind him and wrapping one arm around his chest and the hands that clutched there and the other hand laying flat and warm and dry against his cold and sweaty forehead and tipping, tipping it back to lay on a broad, solid shoulder.

"Breathe with me, Jay." Cole. That was Cole. "Come on. That's right. Just like that."

Each movement of the chest pressed against his back was a signa for Jay to breathe. He struggled to match his inhales and exhales with his brother's, but he managed, and the haze cleared from his head. Jay continued to gasp weakly, but he was calm now, and the heat in his chest was rapidly cooling (he was left shivering in the cool night air).

He could remember the first time Cole had ever done this for him just days after they met and the orange scarf the darker boy had given him the next morning ("So you won't be cold after").

"Here," a voice said quietly, "let me try something."

Jay felt a light pressure on his chest, and then warmth slowly spread from the point of contact to the rest if his numbing limbs.

"Woah! How'd you do that?" Kai again.

"I have no idea," Lloyd answered. "We can talk about it later. How's Jay?"

Cole's chest rumbled, "He'll be fine."

"What was he doing here?"

"L-Looking for - for you," Jay gasped weakly, startling them all.

"Jay -"

"No; I gotta say this, Hence." His brother stilled at the use of his last name. Jay forced his eyes open, blinking weakly up at the faces framed by moonlight. "I - Wanted to s-say - to say 'm sorry."

Now they blinked down at him.

"I realized - I realized I shoulda known somethin' w-was wrong, but I was - was too wrapped in my own l-little world t' notice." He focused on Lloyd. "I wasn' very nice, and I shoulda known better 'n ta think you'd be okay after all that - that crap. 'M sorry." Now Kai. "An' - An' I shoulda seen it then, too." Kai tensed but only in shock. Lastly, Cole. Jay fought a hand free, using it to cling weakly at the arm still wrapped around his chest. "An' Cole, I - I -" Tears stung his eyes again; the arm tightened. "I didn't know you were hurting," he whispered. "You're my best friend, an' I didn't know." He sniffed, blinkedthe tears away, and stared back up at his brothers determinedly. "I'm sorry - for all of it. You're all more important to me than some project or Nya or Garmadon or being afraid. I just - I'm sorry."

Much to his surprise, Kai started laughing. It was a little hysterical and breathy, but it was a laugh. "I - You -"

Cole was chuckling now, too, and Lloyd was fighting to keep a smile off his face.

"What? What'd I say?"

"It's not you, buddy," Cole assured warmly.

"Yeah," Lloyd agreed. "It's just - tonight's been full of apologies already." His smile grew. "I'm glad you came, Jay. And, thank you, for saying that. It means a lot to me - to all of us."

Kai huffed his last snort and leaned down to ruffle his hair. "Yeah, man; it means a lot. Thanks."

Cole stood and gently pulled Jay with him, setting him on his feet (he left a hand on Jay's shoulder so he wouldn't fall down) with a small smile (his face was still a little tear-stained). "Come on; let's get back to the _Bounty_."

Lloyd nodded and walked beside them, Kai slinging an arm around the youngest's shoulders so that all four walked side by side.

 _Brothers_.

And he smiled.

* * *

 _I kinda just sat down and started typing and then kept on typing as this unfolded. Originally the chapter stopped when Jay dashed out the door, but I thought to myself, "Me, you can't just leave it like this. First of all, if you do you'll need to write a **whole** extra chapter that you don't really wanna 'cause you already have, like, two more. Second, you need to develop Jay a bit more as a person." So, yeah, here this is. One of my head-canons is that Jay has anxiety but is also pretty decent at reading people. I tried to portray though that if he makes a mistake when reading people, he doesn't really like to admit it; this shapes the way he interacts with the people he misreads. As always, if you guys have any comments, advice, or questions, leave a comment and I'll get back to you. Also, I didn't really edit this, so if you notice anything, please let me know. Up next is Nya, so wish me luck! :) _

_Headcanons (as promised):_

 _We all noticed that Kai had kinda taken Jay's place as the "wild" one, but in this story, it's still Jay_

 _Cole is the strong, silent type with a side of synesthesia_

 _Jay has anxiety_

 _Cole gave Jay his orange scarf_

 _Zane sorta has that "Pinocchio Complex" where he wants to be a "real boy" (but his friends prove he is anyway)_

 _Kai is impulsive and reckless and headstrong and doesn't really care about his own life and is just a little bit depressed (it's gotten better)_

 _Lloyd is definitely depressed and has trust issues with new people and low self-esteem_

 _Jay and Kai also have low self-esteem_

 _Wu was an absent uncle and has a lot to make up for_

 _Zane wants to understand "humanness" but he has a natural eye for the intrinsic beauty of the world and the things that make us human (I tried to show this by using a lot of metaphors, similes, and other figurative language)_

 _Nya is headstrong and competitive and two years younger than Kai but got moved up a couple grades_

 _Kai is the sarcasm king_

 _Jay is a great mechanic_

 _Nya is good with computers_

 _Lloyd is still a Master Builder (actually, that's not headcanon; the producers said that all the LEGO Movies are in the same universe - just different realities, basically - so Lloyd was, like, 11 in the LEGO Movie and is still a Master Builder; he just doesn't talk about it)_

 _Cole has a part-time job as a DJ at a nightclub called Dareth's Dojo; he wants to produce his own music someday_

 _Cole still went to a performing arts school up until he ran away in sixth grade and can dance, sing, and play the piano, guitar, and harmonica_

 _Cole can't cook_

 _Once Cole starts talking, he can be sarcastic af_

 _Nya and Jay are a thing_

 _Skyler and Kai **will** be a thing if I can help it in the movie verse_

 _Zane is like Temperance Brennan: social cues, norms, and saying sometimes go completely over his head and he has to say "I don't understand that" a LOT_

 _Koko is a poor, tired, worn out single mother who can still beat up Garmadon like a bOSS and just needs some good in her life_

 _Lloyd maybe knows a little more about the criminal underground than is perhaps good_

 _Kai and Lloyd are bffs_

 _Jay and Cole are besties_

 _Kai and Cole are bros_

 _Zane and Cole are totes bros_

 _Cole is like, the chillest dude and everyone's big bro_

 _Zane fills in as 'Mom'_

 _Zane is a great cook_

 _Zane is more like he is in the series (I picture his looks and voice, too)_

 _Kai has Irlen Syndrome_

 _In some of my AUs Lloyd has autism spectrum disorder_

 _If Zane were human, he would have albinism_

 _Cole has dark skin_

 _Jay is a cinnamon roll_

 _Don't mess with the Big Bros (Kai, Zane, and Cole)_

 _Angst is essential to good storytelling_

 _This totally just turned into a list of tags lol. Sorry this is so long._


	7. Chapter 7

_Welcome back, friends! This chappie is for Nya. I realized while re-reading what I'd posted that the last two chapters didn't set anywhere clearly on the timeline, so I'll clear that up: Zane's POV takes place approximately one-ish weeks after the defeat of Meowthra and Garmadon, and Jay's POV takes place a couple days after that. A little background here that I_ _ **will**_ _add in the final edit: Lloyd and Kai had taken to going up to the same roof in order to just get away and talk/de-stress/etc., and Cole finds them after they've already set that routine; Jay obviously finds them that same night. Special shout-out to_ _ **lloydskywalkers**_ _,_ _ **GameCubeGirl1**_ _,_ _ **SarahPrincess**_ _, and_ _ **JBomb217**_ _especially for their encouragement and reviews; they really meant a lot to me - check out their fics if they have them, all yall Ninj-nerds ;). Extra notes for this chapter include that I hate writing female characters (maybe because I_ _ **am**_ _female), so Nya may or may not end up the way I want to. Enjoy!_

* * *

Nya hated to admit it now, but when she had first met Lloyd, she had _not_ liked him. He had been quiet, and timid, and _afraid_ of them and _nothing_ like everyone said the son of Lord Garmadon should be. She hated him because he was, frankly, a _wimp_ , and Nya Miyazaki hated people who were too weak to be anything else.

She knew it was wrong (she didn't care).

As Lloyd gradually relaxed around them, Nya had found herself relaxing, too, and giving him tiny compliments in her head, things like _That shirt looks good on him_ or _He really understands this book's character_ and _For a wimp, he sure can hold his own decently against a videogame boss_. She still didn't associate with him outside of necessity, but she found that she didn't really mind him as much as before.

Then the Incident happened, and she found herself completely re-evaluating everything she thought she'd known about him. Lloyd was no longer a quiet, timid boy with improving Spinjitzu skills; now he was the broken, lost little kid that she had helped bring to this point (of _course_ she'd listened to him yell at her brother; who wouldn't).

The guilt ate at her, especially since Nya had once prided herself in her natural maternal instincts (she was _great_ with kids) yet had failed to see what was _right in front_ of her.

She had seen the lost look on his face when she said she hated him (she couldn't; he had become a dear friend) and the guilt dug deeper. When Wu had fallen off the bridge and Cole and her brother had kept him from diving head-long after him, Nya had been forced to open her eyes and see how her little brother was truly hurting (the guilt burned). She had wanted to apologize, but - and she would admit it (to herself) - her pride held her back.

Nya hated her pride.

After the defeat of Garmadon, Nya had not been the first to apologize (his dad was the last). It had taken a lot of effort and a good deal of guilt (Kai had apologized before her), but Nya managed to drag herself to Lloyd's apartment and knock on his door.

"Hello- Oh, Nya," Koko greeted her warmly. "What a surprise! I wasn't expecting anyone over today."

"Hey, Mrs Garmadon. Yeah, this was a bit of a last-minute thing." She rubbed the back of her neck. "Is Lloyd home?"

Koko smiled and stepped aside to let her in. "Of course; he came back an hour ago from the clean-up efforts."

It was late at night. Nya and Kai themselves had been home for about three hours - enough time to shower, change, and eat some TV dinners while they watched some WebFlickz. It had been two days since the Taming of Meowthra (Kai's words, not hers), and Nya had barely seen anyone but her brother from their team since then, and even less of the ever-elusive - and reclusive - Green Ninja. "Yeah," she heard herself agreeing. "Kai an' I got back three hours ago ourselves."

Nya's long-time heroine frowned in concern. "Shouldn't you kids be sleeping? First Master knows you need your rest after the last few days."

Something warm and unfamiliar began to glow in her chest ( _Is this what it's like to have a mother?_ ), but her answering smile came out weak anyway. "I… realized I have some things I need to say to Lloyd, Mrs Garmadon."

Koko's expression became serious, eyes sympathetic as she said softly, "Ah. Yes, of course." She blinked. "I'll go get him, then." The warrioress made to leave but paused just as she reached the stairs to look back at her. "You can call me Koko, Nya." And then she was gone, and Nya was left wondering why Lloyd's mother would trust him with the Water Ninja - how she could _possibly_ do such a thing if she already seemed to know what Nya wanted to say.

The warmth in her chest petered out, and Nya was left sitting cold and tense at the kitchen table.

A minute later, she could hear footsteps - only one set, her training told her - coming down the stairs; there was only one instance where they hesitated, right at the bottom before the owner stepped into her line of sight.

"Hey," Lloyd greeted, smile small and tired.

"Hey," she replied, her own answering smile just as feeble.

They stayed like that for an awkward moment, both with eyes averted, until Lloyd broke the silence with a cough and moved to sit across the corner from her at the table. "I, uh - My mom said you wanted to - to talk to me?"

Oh. Right. Nya felt her cheeks begin to warm but quickly forced the emotion away. Right. She'd come here with a purpose. "Yeah," she forced herself to reply coolly. "I - There's something I need to say to you."

He looked puzzled, and the female couldn't blame him; other than good-natured teasing and conversations about their work, Nya and Lloyd didn't interact.

"I -" Nya found a lump in her throat that kept the words she needed from coming. Abruptly she stood, hands shoved anxiously in her pockets. Lloyd sorta jerked back at the sudden movement but otherwise didn't react. "Look," she tried again, tone a little more forceful as she forced the words out, "I came here to apologize." Nya was unable to look her friend - was he still her friend? - in the eyes; the guilt gnawed at her stomach. "What I said, on the dock - I didn't mean it. For reals. Like, I was mad, sure, but it's like when siblings fight, yeah? I mean, you've seen Kai an' I fight." She glanced at him for confirmation, and he nodded a little unsurely before she looked away again. "We say we hate each other all th' time, but we never actually mean it; we always make up later, and we never stay mad for long."

The Water Ninja glanced at the son of Garmadon again only to see his expression fall. "I've never had siblings," he reminded her quietly, and that - That hit her like a brick to the gut. And, like she would, she got angry.

"Whaddya _mean_ you've never had siblings?!"

His head jerked up in surprise, and she stood squarely facing him with her hands on her hips and fire in her veins (never mind that her brother was the Fire Ninja; the same blood ran through _both_ of them, dammit!).

"What are _we_ , chopped liver?! Lloyd, I don't care _what_ it was like before we warmed up to you - well, I do, a little bit - but that's beside the point - but the moment you became one of us, you became _family_. That means you got five older siblings who could _never_ hate you no matter what you've done wrong." She softened, posture following. "So, I'm sorry. For saying that I hated you, for not listening to you even though I _knew_ you were right, for not realizing that you were hurting so bad - about _everything_. So…" Nya shrugged, inexplicably uncomfortable. "I guess, I mean, I - I'd like you to forgive me, but I _totally_ understand if you don't, but, like, if you ever need someone to talk to or anything -"

And, without even seeing him move (and _shell_ this was the _Green Ninja_ , how could she ever _forget_ that?), he was hugging her, and she was hugging him back after only a microsecond of hesitation.

"Thank you, Nya," he whispered, arms tightening around her (she chose to ignore the wetness she could feel on her neck - and since when had Lloyd gotten to be as tall as her?).

She held him closer, all the guilt melting away in the face of her baby brother's love. "Love you too, kid."

Now Nya found herself standing outside his Lloyd's door on the _Bounty_ , only it had been over a week since that night, and this time Nya wasn't here to apologize. A little over an hour ago, Cole, Jay, Kai, and Lloyd had all stumbled back in looking like they had been crying or at least very emotional, and a quick look at Zane revealed that he had _known_ (he was such a _meddler_ , that nindroid, and it could be so _. Exasperating._ ). Nya had watched through a crack in her door as the boys all went to bed one by one, waiting until she knew only Lloyd was awake (he didn't like to sleep, she'd learned).

"Hey, kid?" She knocked softly on his door, pushing it open as she did so.

Lloyd was sitting cross-legged on his bed, hands in his lap and staring blankly at the opposite wall. He didn't acknowledge her presence.

"Lloyd?"

She shut the door quietly behind her and sat on the edge of his bed, head tilted to try and meet his eyes.

"You alright, Green Bean?"

This earned her a mild glare, much to her relief.

"So you _are_ alive." Nya offered a somewhat strained smile and smacked his arm gently. He just looked away; her smile fell. "Lloyd, what's eating at you? You were lookin' pretty good when the boys brought you home."

The silence stretched for so long she thought he might have fallen asleep with his eyes open (and sitting up, but she'd actually _seen_ weirder things from Kai and Jay, so she was worried), but then he murmured, "It's my dad."

She couldn't help it: she stiffened. To her credit, though, Nya was able to make herself relax. "Oh?"

He nodded. "... Yeah."

More silence. "Care to elaborate?"

One shoulder twitched in what she assumed to be a half-shrug. "... I told Kai about it, but he doesn't really know what to do…" This time he sighed, body deflating to look even smaller. "The city is going to make my dad stand trial for all the crimes he's committed. Every destroyed property, every life he's ruined, all the people who've died - intentionally or not because of him - they're going to milk him for all he's worth. Which is a lot, apparently, since he's pretty much immortal and everything." His voice was dead (like his eyes, and Nya did _not_ like that look on him - now or before or _ever_ ). "Of course, he can't _pay_ for most of the damages because the majority of his wealth comes from looting Ninjago. He has a small fortune from his time as a Warlord _before_ he came to Ninjago City, but that'll only pay for so much."

Nya opened her mouth to speak, but Lloyd wasn't done.

"To make everything _so_ much better, they're focusing a whole lot on my family and I. My mom because she's married to Garmadon - I guess they never divorced, just separated - but she's also a well-known hero, so the lawyers can't seem to figure out if her judgement is compromised or not. Same for Uncle Wu; he trained us, the so-called 'Saviors of Ninjago', but he's Garmadon's _brother_ , so would he go along with justice or would his attachment hold him back? Not to mention they're a little scared of him, so they don't really talk to him at all."

"What about you?"

Another sigh, this one heavier, and Lloyd fell onto his back, arms flopping out on either side of him. "I'm the Green Ninja." His voice was even _more_ lifeless, if that was possible. "I defeated Garmadon. I saved Ninjago. But I also summoned the monster that destroyed it, so a lot of people are calling for _my_ blood, too. I'm also his _son_ , so everyone just assumes that I can't be objective about the whole thing. And I…" Lloyd trailed off and sat up again, teeth gnawing on his bottom lip. He was so, so quiet as he breathed, "I think they might be right."

Nya studied him for a long minute before sighing herself and dragging her self up to sit in front of him, legs tucked beneath her. "Why," she asked calmly. "Why might they be right?"

He glanced at her a little nervously. "Because - Because he's my _dad_! He's done a lot of terrible, horrible, _awful_ things, and I _do_ believe that he should answer for that, but he's still my _dad_ , and even after all of that I still love him and miss him and I just -" His voice cracked, tears welling and beginning to fall. "I just don't want them to take him _away_ when I just got him _back_."

"Oh, bean," Nya crooned, leaning forward and pulling him into her arms. Lloyd was still a boy. She'd always known that _objectively_ , but he'd always been so selfless and mature for his age, but to see - to _hold_ \- this hurting, confused little boy really drove it home. He was nothing more than a kid who wanted his dad to be in his life, who prayed every night for it all to just stop _spinning_ and give him just _one_ First Master-damned _minute_ …

Nya didn't want to tell him that he was right. She _wanted_ him to be able to objective, but if she'd learned anything during their last mission, it was that, when it came to his dad, Lloyd was pretty much anything _but_. The Ninja of Water didn't want to tell him he was _wrong_ , either, because that would be a lie based on the logic of the first option. So she settled for something in between.

"No matter what happens," she murmured into his golden hair, "we'll all be here for you. Whatever crap they throw at you guys, the rest of us will have your backs all the way. We'll make sure that justice is served - to _everyone_ , not just Garmadon, because we're ninja, and that's what we _do_. We protect people - especially from each other."

Nya had always been a protector. It came from the early years of her time in the System when Kai and she had been insecure and alone. Kai had started it, doing his best to keep her from the worst of their new reality, but she had quickly picked up on it; it was her job to protect her brother just as much as it was _his_ job to protect _her_.

If someone insulted him behind his back (or even to his face), she was the first to jump to his defense (usually leading with a fist); if she knew he was stressed, she would make sure that he was taking care of himself and doing his homework; if she was having a hard time, she just wouldn't tell him (it wouldn't be fair to make his life harder for him than it already was) (he usually found anyways).

From there it spread to other people.

Kids who were picked on, kids who got hurt, kids who had a bad home life - she made herself their champion (Kai was hers). Her 'protection' ranged anywhere from letting kids sleep over to engaging in full-blown fistfights, resulting in many detentions on her part (she had never been in the wrong).

Nya had learned early on that the worst monsters were the ones people made of themselves, the ones that couldn't be killed like a dragon in a fairytale or chased away like the boogeyman; they were the ones that stared at you with cruel eyes, that whispered words behind your back, that scratched away at your confidence until you were nothing more than a shell of who you _had_ been. They were the ones that hurt you and laughed, that truly did not care if you lived or died, that _had no reason_ other than they got off on the pain and the suffering and the screams.

For the longest time she had thought Garmadon was one of those monsters - that Lloyd was one, too. Then she'd met him, and she'd realized he was the _victim_ (it took a little bit to actually _come_ to this realization, but it came nonetheless). After being around Lloyd for so long, and after listening to Master Wu explain the Great Devourer and the evil venom that now coursed through his brother's veins, Nya had gradually come to the conclusion that maybe Garmadon was, to some insanely small degree, a victim too. Or, at least, maybe a monster not quite as bad (in any case, she hated him less than the bastards who she was still sure had abused her brother - her real one - all those years ago).

So, Nya had become a ninja, and she had expanded from protecting her friends at school to protecting everyone in Ninjago. And, most of all, protecting what had come to be her multi-colored family.

If that meant standing up to a whole city calling for the blood of her kid brother's father unjustly, then she would do it - and she knew the others would stand with her.

Because Nya Miyazaki may have hated her pride, but she took pride in her work and her family, and she wouldn't let anyone take any of that away from her or anyone else, ever.

She would never let Lloyd stand alone again.

* * *

 _Wow. I thought this chapter would never get done, lol. As always, the first A/N was written before I even started the chapter, and this one was written right after, so **please read.**_

 _First off, thanks to everyone who had reviewed, liked, and/or followed. Also thanks to all of you who have done none of those things but have still read and enjoyed this fic. I've gotten some amazing feedback and confidence-building from you guys :)._

 _Second, here's my reply to **JBomb217** : It's totally okay that you haven't reviewed all the chapters (this goes for **everyone** ); I'm just grateful you reviewed at all. Jay was actually pretty easy for me write, surprisingly, but I also identify with him a little: outgoing but afraid of getting hurt. I actually based his panic attack after my own, and it really is a scary experience, so I'm really glad that I was able to get that across for you. _

_Third, my reply to **Guest** for Chapter 6: I've said it before, but I try to reply to every review I get no matter who it is or what it says, so you get your own little feature :D Thank you for reviewing, and I'm so happy that you like this story. I write what I feel (for some reason I'm freakishly empathetic with fictional characters), which is part of why this latest chapter was so hard for me, but I really am glad that I was able to get someone else to feel these characters like I do, even if it was just a little. I hope you liked this newest update! _

_Fourth (man, this is getting long; sorry, guys): I have a confession: I hit a major writer's block when it came to Nya's chapter which is why it took so long to get this out. I finally got it written, but that section towards the end where it talks about Nya's history as a protector? That actually comes directly from the opening of one of my other attempts at this fic. I was originally going to trash it, but I loved the idea of Nya as a fierce and stalwart protector so much that I kept the section as a reference - and then I just added it when I realized it tied in to the line about protecting people from each other. To be honest, though, I'm not really sure I like exactly how it turned out :/ I really, really would appreciate your feedback on Nya's character and if I should change it at all - even a little._

 _SO! I'm sure you've all noticed, but I don't have a beta, so please, please, please, if you spot any mistakes, discrepancies, or places where the story just isn't as smooth as it could be, let me know. I'm relying on you all to help me make this fic as awesome as possible. If anyone would like to be my beta, you know how to pm me. Otherwise, I'll just wait until this whole story is done before I edit it all myself with the suggestions I get in reviews (guys, I'm the **author** ; I know what I want in my head, but I don't always get that out onto the page, so **please** help me). _

_Finally, one last thing. I have another section from a previous attempt of Nya's chapter that I really, really loved, but I wasn't sure if I should incorporate it or not. So, I'll let you guys decide by posting the excerpt at the bottom of this A/N (Hah! Those who actually read this thing get a special lol XD). Again, sorry this was so long, but it couldn't really be helped. As always, please review with suggestions, critiques, comments, questions, or concerns. I have one more chapter before I will consider this fic technically done, but - well, I'll explain it in the A/N for that chapter, so **read that one too** when it comes out. Till next chapter! _

* * *

Nya Miyazaki sat on a comfortable couch on the Destiny's Bounty with a book in her hands and mind lost somewhere outside of its pages. Last night she had waited with Zane for Jay to come back, and after about an hour he had - with her black, red, and green brothers in tow. It was… strange, to her, to see them all so close and supportive when just a year ago it hadn't been quite like that at all.

When Nya's parents had… well, disappeared (here one day and gone the next; Kai had never forgiven them), she and Kai had been left to fend for themselves.

They'd come a long way, she thought, from hating all things Garmadon - people included - to thinking of their youngest member as family.

* * *

 _So, whaddya think? Should I have kept it?_


	8. Chapter 8

_Alright! Another chapter! Thank you all so, so much for reading the monsters that were the A/N for the last chapter. Rest assured that in the final edit of this story, except for a couple important things, these A/N pretty much won't be there. Anywho, this chappie is from Lloyd's perspective. Since Chapter One we've seen how the_ _ **others**_ _have come to accept Lloyd as family, as well as Lloyd gradually becoming with each person in turn. However, he's not to the point of the title quite yet, so we'll be exploring that a bit more here. As someone who's suffered for years because of someone else, I know that it's really hard to grow out of certain ideas and notions that that suffering can instill in you - and that it really helps to have people there to help you. From now on I'll be focusing less on past events that have shaped the characters views and more on the actual plot being developed. I may or may not also start using the POVs of the adults or other side characters (maybe; it depends on how important what they need to say is lol). A HUGE thanks to **GameCubeGirl1**_ _for their ideas, patience, and encouragement. Replies to guest reviews can be found at the end of the chapter :). Same warnings apply from the beginning chapters. Enjoy!_

* * *

Lloyd had decided not long after becoming a ninja that sleep just really wasn't for him. He didn't deny that he _needed_ it, no, but he just… Well, he didn't really _like_ it. Where before sleep had become the one place he could go to escape the terribleness of his everyday life, it had soon become a place to relive his battles with his father and all the wreckage that ensued. So Lloyd slipped into a habit of sleeping only about six hours each night in order to recharge before waking up to train (six hours was just before the nightmares set in, he'd discovered).

That's why Lloyd was here now, sitting on the deck of the _Bounty_ in the pre-dawn grey, letting the ocean breeze ruffle his hair as he shifted through his piles of notes from the lawyers the day before.

 _There's some good ideas in here,_ he had to admit before squinting at the pages. _At least, I_ think _there is… If I could actually_ understand _this crap._

He dropped the stack of paper onto the deck in front of him and scrubbed roughly at his face in frustration. The Ninja of Green didn't understand any of the legal-speak, and it was making it difficult to figure out exactly what the people wanted from his father - and even _more_ difficult to keep them from getting it.

 _Except_ , he was forced to remind himself, _my dad_ deserves _some form of punishment._

Lloyd let his face drop into his hands, the exhaustion of his _life_ catching up to him of a sudden. Why couldn't this be _easy_? (It never was). A strangled, frustrated groan gurgled from his mouth, and it took all his willpower to keep it from becoming an agonized wail to the heavens above for _some_ form of leniency, a small miracle - even just a _sign_ that _someone_ was out there to even take _pity_ on him (and he hated pity). The groan instead choked as it fought to become a despairing sob. Was there _anyone_ who cared?

"Enjoying the sunrise?"

The Green Ninja jumped, cheeks burning with mortification. It was Cole, a habitually early riser if Lloyd had ever met one, but even _this_ time of morning was abnormal for the quiet teen. Forcing the blush from his cheeks, he said dryly, "Seeing as there _is_ no sunrise, no."

Cole shrugged, lips twisting in an amused sort of way (not a smile, not quite, but enough that Lloyd _knew_ ), and the Ninja of Earth sat beside him on the deck, leaning back on his left hand, corresponding leg stretched out in front of him, opposite leg drawn up and right arm propped up on his knee. A relaxed pose, something the Green Ninja had come to expect of his elder. "Couldn't sleep?"

There was really no reason to deny the fact, since it was something a little well known amongst the Secret Ninja Force; he shrugged one shoulder and hummed, head turning to look out at the fingers of corn-silk gold stretching out above the horizon, pressing into the uniform grey of sky and sea.

His friend sighed. "Me neither." They watched the sun creep a little higher, corn-silk transforming into something a little rosier as it breached the atmosphere nearer to them, then on to molten gold as it warmed the chilly air. Waves lapped gently at the side of the _Bounty_ in a steady rhythm, and the cries of seagulls beginning in earnest their morning scavange carried across the empty water. Lloyd hesitated to describe something so lovely and peaceful as _lonely_ , but it had only ever been that way for him.

He echoed Cole's sigh, and it sounded just as it always had (he thought it might sound different since saving the city; the only change was his disapppointment).

"Kai and Nya told us about what's happening with your family." Lloyd looked at him, and Cole spared him a glance from the corner of his eye. " _Garmadon vs Ninjago City_ , ne?"

A sour, bitter feeling swirled around in his gut, and he turned back to his ocean. Was this - No, Lloyd was familiar with every named emotion known to man (except for lust, FirstMasterdammit, and he was _proud_ of that), and this one definitely wasn't one of those. It was nameless, a nasty feeling settling inside him that could have been part shame, part guilt, and part anxiety plus whatever the universe had decided to throw at him (he had always been beaten with the short end of the stick). "Yeah," he replied, throat dry and voice small. There was peach in the sky now, and the spaces between the few fluffy, white clouds was an inspiring turquoise. Absently he wondered, _Why is there never green in the sky?_ He thought he remembered reading somewhere that the sky would turn green right before an intense storm at sea or one of those tornadoes that occured farther inland (he didn't want to be a storm).

That gross emotion was replaced with something a little desperate and angry and sad so swiftly (swift like the sunrise, swift like his feet were being yanked out from beneath him, swift like the circles his head was spinning) that it left him reeling; Cole's head snapped to him, concern etched in his face like some permanent construct. "You alright, kid?"

There wasn't an answer Lloyd could give, because he just didn't _know_. His entire family was being taken to court, his friends were always busy even if he understood why and supported them wholeheartedly

"-oyd?"

and this _hecking sunrise_ -

Lloyd jerked unsteadily to his feet and stomped around the deck in a manic ellipse, hands fisted in - and tearing at - his hair. He didn't have anything _against_ the sunrise; it was a _perfectly good_ sunrise in this messed up world, and he just wanted to _understand_ how something so beautiful could dare to _exist_ \- to _show itself_ in the face of his misery and conflict?

"Lloyd."

The poor kid didn't even know _what_ he was feeling, just that it was so _confusing_ , and he just wanted it to _stop_.

" _Lloyd_."

It wasn't a yell (Cole never yelled), but it was enough to get his attention. He tore his gaze from the deck and up into the Black Ninja's worried - understanding? - black gaze. Not obsidian black, either, but ebony - soft and warm like velvet with charcoal in the highlights where the sun hit his irises _just right_. Huh. Lloyd had never noticed his eyes before.

"Lloyd, _listen to me._ "

He jerked back to attention and barely noticed the hands held steadyingly on his shoulders.

"It's alright to feel confused. Trust me, I know that feeling pretty well. It's also okay for you to feel a little abandoned, totally stressed, and way out of your depth. You're 16 years old, and you are being forced to fight for your family as well as for the people against them. You don't know what to do, and you feel torn up because on one hand you will betray your family, and on the other you will betray the people who have only ever loved the mask you wear - but have still loved a part of _you_."

Cole paused to search his eyes solemnly, thumbs rubbing a quick, soothing circle on his shoulders.

"It's alright to hate the sunrise."

And Lloyd almost forgot to _breathe_. Oh, First Master, was _that_ what those feelings were? Did he - Was he really that _lost_? Was he really so torn over the fact that the entire _city_ literally loved and hated him with equal passion - loved the Ninja for what he had done, and hated the Son for who he was?

He was - But he didn't - And he _couldn't_ -

Too late Lloyd felt the fat, hot tears rolling down his cheeks, the expression of grief and agony that pulled at his facial muscles in an unfamiliar way. His legs trembled, but instead of letting himself collapse like he had in front of Kai, he carefully lowered himself to kneel on the damp deck (Cole moved with him all the way, never once letting go)(Lloyd silently prayed he would _never let go_ ).

A broken sob wormed its way from his lungs into the still-chilled air of early morning, and his trembling form was the sight that greeted the rest of his team as they trudged yawning and sleepy-eyed into the cool air. (He felt he had cried a _lot_ in the last couple of weeks). Nonetheless, he held to his anchor - his an _chors_ as Zane, and Nya, and Kai, and Jay all gathered around him in unquestioning concern, not caring _why_ he was hurting but just that he _was_. Hands settled on his back and head, on pair of arms slipping around his waist so a head could press against his side (and that one _had_ to be Kai, because only Kai had ever given such great hugs). The hand twisting lightly through his hair was Zane (his fingers were icy cold but gentle and kind); the two hands on his back belonged to Nya and Jay, warm and light. Cole's hands stayed on his shoulders, and thought he oculd feel the sun finally beginning to warm the dreary world.

" _I don't know what to do_ ," he sobbed, and the hands - and Kai - all pressed closer (his own hands sat lifelessly in his lap - until Nya reached around with her free hand and took them both in hers).

"It is alright," Zane assured, and Lloyd had never had reason to doubt the nindroid's knowledge. "We will be with you."

Not _all the way_ , or _to the end of the line_ , or even _till it's over_ \- simply _with you_.

With _him_.

They weren't leaving, they weren't giving up on him, and they _certainly_ weren't going to let the city that had tortured him for so long get away with it. Like they had been trained, they would fight together, fight for _him_ and for _each other_ , and Lloyd thought he finally knew what a family was all about.

It was _hope_.

* * *

 _Holy freaking macaroni. Okay, so this ended up being a pretty short chapter. It also almost completely wrote itself. Like, seriously, I had the first… oh, 12 sentences or so in the first few hours after I posted the previous chapter, and then I_ _ **left**_ _them until the first day of August - and the third day of a five day camping trip with my family. Then I sat down, opened up this doc, read what I already had, and let my fingers fly. To let you know how far off course this baby went, I was going to have Cole confess his synesthesia to Lloyd, and the others were going to come out and comfort Lloyd, and together they were going to come up with a basic gameplan to defeat the evil lawyers. Instead I end up with a jumbled mess of Lloyd not understanding his emotions, Cole using his ability to provide therapy, and then concluding the chapter in a way that would conceivably tie off the entire fic. Wow. And not even in 2000 words, if you can believe it. But don't worry, I plan on continuing the story until the court situation is absolved and Lloyd feels comfortable with his_ _ **biological**_ _family. Because, come on, they're his family, too. Also, maybe exploring the different interpretations of 'family' and what that might mean to the others, too. And the meaning can change as time goes on, so there might be some of that._

 _On another note, I've had a lot of people comment on how much they love what I've done with Cole's character, plus one request from_ _ **Guest**_ _on the first chapter about how they would like to see much, much more of Cole - "an entire one about Cole" were the exact words, I believe. As you can see if you've gotten to this chapter_ _ **Guest**_ _, there it more of Cole - but due to how complicated his character is to write for me despite being my favorite, I don't know if I'm quite ready for something like that :/ We_ _ **will**_ _see more of him in the future though, so don't worry. Also, I'm hoping to maybe touch on some of my headcanons plus a couple others I've seen. If you guys have a particular headcanon you really love for this universe, leave it in the comments :)_

 _On another other note: we have one reader,_ _ **Peanut2196**_ _, who only speaks spanish and is translating this fic sing Google Translate. If you or anyone you know could and would be willing to translate this fic into spanish for them, then please please_ _ **please**_ _pm me; I am even willing to find some way to reward/repay you/them if at all possible, since this is not only a huge favor for me but for anyone who's first language is spanish, too. Thank you guys!_

 _Other reviews:_

 _ **JBomb217:** Yeah, panic attacks are no fun. Actually, as bad as this sounds, they're kinda cool to write since they **are** different for everyone, but the dissociation is pretty common, andwriting dissociation takes a lot of thought and consideration. It's actually kinda cool to write in such a disjointed way. I hope you like this chapter!_

 _One last thing before I sign off. I really do try to reply to every review for each chapter before I post the next one, but I've been really busy as I get ready to start my first semester of college, so I'm posting this without responding to a few of you awesome, amazing, loyal readers, but I **promise** I will have those reviews done within the next few days since I have some free time. I also want to hear from you guys about this chapter, so... _

_Read, review! See you next chapter!_


	9. Chapter 9

_Here we go with another chapter. This one is Cole's, so I'm pretty excited to see where this goes. As always, thank you to everyone who has favorited, followed, and/or reviewed; your support is what helps me keep writing this story. If anyone is willing to help me translate this fic into Spanish, please let me know. Replies to guest reviews can be found at the end. Same warnings apply as before, and I hope you guys enjoy this as much I do :)_

* * *

Every now and then Cole felt as if he lived an entirely separate life from his friends despite living right along with them. Of course they were all their own people with their own homes to go to and their own activities to attend (at least when they weren't being Ninja), but, sometimes, Cole still thought he was… different. That his _life_ was different. That _he_ was different, and not in the way that 'all people are unique'.

A lot of it had to do with his synesthesia. Not only did it give him an unwanted peek into the personal thoughts and feelings of his comrades, but it also resulted in the interest of one or two scientists and psychologists; this, in turn, meant that the Black Ninja found himself in quaint little waiting rooms every three months. Usually on weekdays, so he could just pretend to have ditched school for a day instead of missing any training with Master Wu.

But the synesthesia wasn't everything. There was also his home life, different from his friends' in just about every way possible. For one, he lived with his dad, not his mom (his mom was dead, and he missed her every day). Two, his dad was a retired dancer and had attempted to pass that legacy on to his son; Cole, after being forced to attend ballet lessons even after the death of his mother, put his 12-year-old foot _down_ and instead took up music. Not that his father hadn't forced him to learn instruments as well, but at least it wasn't so - well, _girly_. (And it wasn't that he didn't _like_ it, he just didn't like being forced to do something he had only enjoyed because of his mother)(he thought Spinjutsu was a lot like dancing).

So, Cole had re-taken up piano and cello and enjoyed every minute of it until he became too bulky to feel comfortable behind such delicate things.

But he still played piano on weekends, and he worked late nights at the nearby club as a DJ, and he _composed his own music_ and it _sold_ because _First Master_ he was so _sick_ of only hearing the music others made.

He digressed.

Cole simply didn't feel like the puzzle piece that was him always fit with the pieces of his friends.

Being friends with Zane had helped. Zane was different, too; the Secret Ninja Force professed to know _why_ , but it was Cole who truly understood. Both of them had stood back on too many an occasion and just _watched_ , unsure or confused or forgotten - and always, always uncomfortable, wary of the parts they were expected to play.

Cole was the Ninja of Earth. He was to be dependable and strong, not necessarily the shield of his team but the _support_. Earth was unyielding and stubborn, immovable and eternal.

He wondered sometimes if his friends remembered that mountains crumbled, and that ice could melt (ice could also sublimate, and Cole feared that most of all).

Take now, for instance.

The Black Ninja was standing in the hall outside of the courtroom where the lawyers were still going at it over the Garmadon Case. Lloyd was inside along with Nya and Zane; Cole had stepped out an hour ago when the sounds became too much, and Jay and Kai were still helping with relief efforts.

The key word being _were_ because he could hear their Songs coming closer at a steady - and head-throbbing - pace.

"Yo!" Kai greeted, voice light but song weighted with worry for the youngest ninja. "Wassup, Cole? You takin' a break?"

His head gave a particularly sharp pound (thunder and hammers and cymbals and _FSM, Kai, just SHUT UP_ ), but he forced himself to nod through the pain and mutter some vague reply. Another lancing pain, this time accompanied by a wave of nausea.

Jay, sensitive as he was to the emotions of others, noticed his discomfort first. "Cole? Y-You doin' alright?"

Cole could hear (couldn't stop _hearing_ ) the anxiety (rapid beeping, klaxons blaring, a heart-rate monitor going _toofast toofast toofast_ ) that was normal for the Lightning Ninja in places full of people. He could hear the concern (rustling leaves and snapping twigs, and a bouncing bongo) - for Lloyd, for the team, for those still recovering from the attack, for _Cole_ \- and the exhaustion of working a full day with only one other Ninja as back up (a slow bass drum, a cello playing random notes - all pizzicato - and the lulling rush of waves), and -

It was a lot. It was a lot, and too much, and the _exact reason why_ Cole dreamt of a world bathed in _silence_.

His stomach rolled,

the pounding became a stab,

legs turned to jelly,

and Cole realized as he slumped onto the bench he had recently vacated that he had never had a 'meltdown' in front of anyone _not_ Zane in many, many years.

Huh.

Tsunami waves crashed in his years, and sirens screamed. The smell of metal filled his nose, and screeching steel overwhelmed every single one of his senses until he was a limp, shuddering mess; his mouth dangled lax and open, his eyes were void of life, and every breath was just a drop in the ocean that was needed.

When he came back to himself, his brain was fuzzing. Like the static that came on TVs mixed with that obnoxious wailing of old computers - _just_ like that. It was both a sound and a physical sensation, and to top it off, his head felt stuffed with wool. Cole wasn't sitting back, though. No, lean, muscular arms were wrapped around his torso and holding him in place as he was leant forward, another hand pressing a tissue to his nose.

Was his nose bleeding? He thought it had done that before, during one of these… whatever-word-he-had-used-before-s. It wasn't anything to worry about, then. Only a little nosebleed. And an inability to move his own limbs. And cotton - or wool; wool was itchier - stuffed up his nose and around his brain.

But, on the bright side, the Sounds were a little quieter now.

"-ole? Cole, can you h-hear me now?"

That voice came from in front of him; it sounded like Jay. He managed to force a breath through his lips (his limbs were still lead).

"C-Can you answer m-me?"

Ah, shit. He was scaring Jay, wasn't he? The anxiety levels in the poor kid had risen. Another huff pushed out, and Kai seemed to get the message.

"I don't think so, dude. He seems aware of what we're sayin' since he keeps huffing when you ask him a question, but…" He trailed off, but his point was made.

Jay's worry now became level with his anxiety. "C-Cole? J-Just huff once for 'y-yes', alright?"

Kai interrupted, "Are you the Black Ninja?"

Somewhere in the back of his nonfunctional mind, Cole wanted to laugh. He huffed instead.

"Just wanted to make sure he understood," Kai explained nonchalantly. Jay must have tried to glare at the Ninja of Fire, because said Ninja snorted and shifted, commenting, "I think his nose has stopped bleeding now, so we can probably sit him back up."

There was a brief transition where Cole was sort of manhandled into leaning back into the wall again; it made his head swim, but it was over quickly.

"Alright," Kai stated, and through the fuzz Cole could hear his Red brother's determination (a beat, steady and strong, like a metronome set to the sound of the wind). "I think there's something we're missing here, Zap Trap, and I think Dirt Cod here has the answer."

If Cole could roll his eyes, he would have. They wouldn't be getting any answers _now_ , that was for sure. He couldn't even move on his own, for crying out loud!

"I-Is there anything y-you need?" Jay asked. The Blue Ninja's warmth settled closer to Cole's right elbow.

Cole was wearing dark grey jeans (clean, not ripped) and a black dress shirt with the top button undone and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Jay's jacket just barely brushed the skin of Cole's unprotected arm - but Cole's body was still in overdrive from the episode, and a pained inhale was sucked past his chapped lips.

"O-Oh! Cole, I - I'm so sorry! I didn't m-mean -"

The Black Ninja stared uncomprehendingly in front of him as smarting pain ripped through him. The sensation, however, rippled as it reached his bicep and turned into a tingle as it continued across his chest and down his side before finally transforming into a heavy numbness. An intense smell of warm metal suddenly slammed into his olfactory senses.

He tried to get his voice to work - nothing. In growing panic he resorted to forcing his lips to form a single word: Zane.

"Zane?" Cole could feel the combined confusion of his friends, but moments later he lost the ability to control his body. His vision went unfocused, and the pain numbed. The smell of warm metal disappeared, and he was completely aware of his surroundings, but it was as if he'd been… _disconnected_ from the rest of himself.

"W-What's happening?" Jay asked, anxiety spiking (Cole could hear it still, but the Sound was filtered as if coming from far away).

"I don't know," Kai replied, his own anxiety (the growing sound of a rushing river, an increasing staccato tempo on a snare) beginning to rise. "But he mouthed 'Zane', so I think I'm gonna go get Frost."

Kai's presence faded from Cole's mind. So did awareness, because then Zane was worriedly hovering over him and calling his name; Cole didn't snap back to reality so much as _trip_ into it, a stutter from blank nothingness to tingling half-awareness to fully-cognizant normalcy.

"Cole? Cole, can you hear me?"

Zane's worry was unobtrusive, like the flutter of a butterfly's wings with a quiet undercurrent not unlike a blizzard-wind. Cole focused on his friend's face, brow scrunching. "How long," he rasped.

The White Ninja sighed in relief and sat back. "From the moment you fell completely unresponsive, one minute and 38 seconds."

Cole echoed the nindroid's sigh, leaned forward, and scrubbed his face tiredly (his limbs trembled faintly). "A minute and a half?" Zane's agreement pinged lightly, and he sighed again. "That's not so bad, I guess. A little longer than I'd like."

Zane's concern grew. "Type?"

"Focal with an onset olfactory aura, transitioning into focal dyscognitive right after Kai went to get you. Specific type is sensory with tingling _and_ numbness."

Once again Zane was hovering over him, only this time the Ninja of Ice was gently probing muscle groups along Cole's arms, shoulders, and torso. "Trigger?"

He grimaced as Zane poked a tender area. "Episode. Jay accidentally brushed against my bare skin with his jacket; I think that was the main trigger."

Zane hummed low and soothing in the back of his throat, and Cole felt himself relax automatically. That hum was something special; as long as Zane was humming that exact pitch, it crept past all of Cole's cross-wired neurons and all but cancelled out all the Sound. As an added bonus, it made Cole feel safe and calm. Zane rested long, cool fingers against his pulse, other hand resting on his shoulder. "It originated in your arm, yes? And traveled up and across your chest?"

Cole nodded absently, eyes drifting closed. He was tired, so tired. And sore - but only from the hips up. "Yeah. It hurt at first, but at my bicep it turned into tingling, then finally went numb as it reached my chest; right as it hit my heart, _everything_ went numb. Pretty standard."

"Not the discognition," Zane disagreed. "You're usually very lucid." The cool hand left his shoulder and felt his forehead. "The episode? Triggers?"

"None. Just - overwhelmed from the last couple weeks. Needed it to - to _stop_." He snorted softly. "Didn't think it _would_."

He couldn't see it, but he could _hear_ the way Zane raised an eyebrow at him; blearily cracking his lids proved that, and he offered a weak grin. "'M fine, Zane. Just want a nap."

Finally Zane drew away, hands dropping to his sides as he straightened to his full height; he crossed his arms over his chest and frowned lightly. "I will drive you home."

Cole let his skull thud gently against the wall behind him; his eyes slipped closed once more. "Promised Lloyd I'd stay," he mumbled. "Gotta… Gotta stay strong for th' kid…"

Until then, the other two had stayed quiet, but Kai took the pause to snort. "I think the green bean will understand."

He blinked one eye at his Red friend. "D'ya plan on referrin' to any of us by our actual names today?"

Kai smirked (but his eyes and Sound betrayed his confusion and worry). "Nope! I hardly get to see you guys anymore, so I need to use your _awesome_ nicknames every chance I get!" The face of the Red Ninja fell. "Dirt Clod, what's goin' on? You had us pretty freaked there."

 _And_ there was the guilt (Cole did _not_ want to talk about this - ever). Zane caught his eye in a silent question, but he shook his head slightly.

"I am afraid," Zane replied slowly for him, "that Cole really does need to rest. Please give our apologies to Lloyd for having to leave, but this is unavoidably necessary."

Without really waiting for an answer, Zane ducked down and pulled one of Cole's arms around his neck; with a single, effortless heave that only Cole would have been able to replicate, the nindroid pulled the Ninja of Earth to his feet and flush against his side for support.

"Will this work, Cole?"

Cole winced and squinted his eyes against the dizziness, blurriness, and slight throbbing in his skull. "Yeah. I c'n make it to th' car."

Zane frowned. "Cole, you are slurring."

He sighed and hung his head. "Crap." Another sigh.

His legs trembled beneath him, and Cole knew that it was only the strength of his friend that was keeping him from eating hardwood floor. Randomly something occurred to him, and he looked up at Zane as best he could, charcoal eyes blown wide. "Shit. Zane, I think there w's 'nother F.D. durin' th' ep'sode."

Icy blue mimicked his wide-eyed expression before the taller male whirled them both to face their brothers. "Before," he asked, voice a little rushed, "when Cole received a nosebleed, was there a period where he seemed unfocused or dazed, or where he was unable to respond to you?"

Kai's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "... Yeah," he responded slowly, "there was. Jay and I noticed he wasn't lookin' too good when we first showed up, and he collapsed maybe five minutes later. Just - Went all gooey. He landed on the bench, thankfully, so we didn't have to lift him off the floor, but even though he _looked_ awake we could tell that no one was home. Nose started bleeding about a minute after he collapsed and lasted until just before he became aware again."

"How long," Zane demanded. When both Kai and Jay hesitated, the nindroid became stern. "It is imperative that you tell me this information. _How long_?"

Jay stammered. "Th-Three minute - g-give or take, anyw-way."

Cole shifted slightly in Zane's grip. "C'mon, Zane," he murmured. Exhaustion had overtaken him, and he barely had enough strength to stay awake. "Le's jus' go home."

Zane turned ice-chip eyes to him, and he suppressed a shiver. "Three minutes," the nindroid repeated softly. "Three minutes, and then another half that duration only a handful of minutes later. This is not something we should ignore, Cole."

He weakly batted at his friend's side, ignoring the slight fear trying to work its way up his throat. "'S jus' stress, man. I'll be fine after a nap." A particularly sharp, dissonant note of contention speared his mind from the courtroom; Cole winced. "A _long_ nap."

There was a moment where he thought Zane would fight him, but then he was being gently guided - mostly carried - out to the car and placed inside.

Out in the fresh air there was more Sound to listen to, but it was mostly the natural music of the plants and animals. Something that had knotted up next to Cole's heart loosened, and the stiff line of tension in his shoulders - tension he hadn't thought he had strength left to hold - bled from him like water.

Zane made sure he was safely buckled in before closing the door and moving to the driver's side; Cole let his forehead rest against cool glass, and within minutes of the car starting and beginning to make its way from the parking lot, the rumble of the engine had soothed him to sleep.

* * *

 _Um. So, this is way, way later then I meant to post this. I'm sorry. To all of you who have waited patiently for this, thank you so, so much. I got to Cole's episode and realized I was missing an element, and it took me until about a month ago to realize that the element my brain was subconsciously trying to tell me I was missing was seizures. Who knew._

 _So, yes, to clarify: Cole has two seizures. I did a ton of research on this, so everything that Cole tells Zane is 100% real stuff. Since I myself have never had a seizure (but I've had panic attacks that behaved very similarly), obviously it's not 100% accurate - ESPECIALLY since Cole has a made-up form of synesthesia, so there was just a touch of tweaking in the details._

 _Fun fact: synesthesia sometimes occurs as a_ symptom _of a seizure, but I couldn't find record anywhere of it being a cause, so I sort of turned the synesthesia-seizure cause/effect process on its head. Yay artistic license!_

 _Review Response: Thank you, **Makayla**! It's nice to meet you, lol ;) Mostly it;s nice to hear from you, so thank you tons! I totally agree that there should be more Cole fics. Like, not just Cole-as-part-of-a-pairing fics; I need good, solid Cole-angst fics with plenty of whump and hurt/comfort and, well, angst. Thank you for the luck; I shall take it and horde it since I don't seem to have enough to spare (like a dragon. I'm like a tiny, bitty dragon that hordes books, reviews, and soft things instead of gold), and I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)_

 _ **IMPORTANT** : This fic will continue. I love this fandom and the progress I've made in my writing too much to abandon. HOWEVER my muse has sort of decided to dedicate itself to the Naruto fic I'm currently posting. It's a slightly different style of writing, so it's hard for me to switch back and forth anyway. I guess what I'm saying is that there WILL be more to this story, but updates will be sporadic with long gaps in between. I'll still respond promptly to reviews and such, and I still would like to get this fic translated, but yeah. Sorry :'(_

 _The next chapter will be Zane's. Since it will be a while in coming, all of you are invited to brainstorm ideas, draw fanart, write spin-offs - anything you want to as long as you let me know. Seriously. You guys inspire me, and I want to hear/see/read anything you have._

 _Thank you all so, so much! You're all the greatest!_


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